Another Song Of The Open Road

A New Direction, or an Old Calling?

2011-11-19T12:08:00.001-08:00

Hey everybody! Long time no see!

And I have news! Remember how I was having such a hard time figuring out what to do next, life-wise? Well, I've got an idea. Here's the long-short story:

About six months ago, when I got back from New Zealand, I started talking with Peggy Hanson about how St. John's needs a new youth minister. Peggy, who is one of my dear friends, a member of St. John's, and also my baptism sponsor, pushed me to check out the job because of my experience teaching summer bible school. Working with the preschool through fourth graders for that one week a year has always been one of my favorite things, and I thought this idea might bear some looking into. After doing some research, however, I found that I wouldn't really be qualified until I had at least a certification in youth ministry, and even if I found a way around that, I wouldn't personally feel like I had enough knowledge to be dealing with high schoolers, especially as they go through confirmation. So this idea went back up on the shelf.

Meanwhile, since I got back from down under, I've been trying to recapture the easy faith I felt as I traveled. Even though I showed up in the country with a plan, after my time at the shearing sheds I basically just went around hoping that the next day would bring something good, and it always did! When I felt like I couldn't take the atmosphere of the sheds anymore, I met Ann and Murray through church, and they took me home and gave me a family. When I needed someplace to stay in Wellington, I met Ann and Murray's daughter Bridget, and she and her husband showed me around. When I arrived on the shore of the South Island I looked around and hopped the Stray bus, not sure what I'd find, only to meet the most amazing group of people who ended up defining my whole trip. Some days I didn't know where I'd sleep that night, but hostels always worked out. Some days I didn't know if I could stand the loneliness of being on the road, but someone always came into my life with kind words and a hug.

And I prayed. A lot. On the bus, at night before I went to sleep, in hard places and in beautiful ones. Sometimes they were Ann Lamott-type prayers, made up of "help, help, help" or "thank you, thank you, thank you," but they always came from deep inside me, and I always felt that they were heard.

Travel has a way of making you feel like life is made up of bright colors and deep feelings, but when you get home the stability and occasional boredom of "real life" dulls everything again. The trick, for me, at least, is to live life like you're on the road all the time, no matter what physical space you inhabit.

For the last few months I've been in that post-travel phase where everything seems dull, and you can't scramble fast enough to get back the highs you felt while abroad. All of the searching and grasping at water slipping through my fingers has made me feel pretty lousy, but it's also made me throw up my hands, sit down, and listen.

And when I did that, back in late September, I felt the niggling feeling of something at the back of my neck. I started thinking again about St. John's, and the youth there, and my feelings about the church, and my faith, and about ministry. It was a lot to think about. In the first week of October I went up to the visit days at Luther, which is the ELCA seminary in St. Paul. It was a two day event, and my feelings about the whole thing went like this:
Day 1-
Morning - Oh my gosh, this is so freakin' cool! I want to take all the classes, read all the books, soak all of this in at once!
Afternoon - Ok, theoretically, this would be cool, but how would I pay for another two years of study? Money, money, money. Worry, worry.
Evening - I don't even care. This feeling is amazing. Look at these people coming together to learn and teach and love and strengthen the church!

Day 2-
Morning - Ok, back off, you're just excited about this because you're here right now. Get some perspective.
Afternoon - OH MY GOSH THE RARE BOOKS ROOM. Breathe, breathe, try not to get too excited about talking Constantine and getting to take Hebrew. This is where I'm supposed to be!
Evening - Absolute cognitive dissonance.

I wanted so much to give in to the overwhelming feeling that I was in the right place, and that seminary was the right thing, but I was paralyzed by the fear of making a wrong move. I'd spent the last four months agonizing about career paths and possibilities that I'd tangled myself up in the idea that if I made the wrong choice I could...I wasn't even sure! End up living in a box on the side of the road? I don't know. But when I went home that second night, I felt my heart pulling toward seminary and my brain frozen and full of thoughts of loan repayment and job prospects.

I gave myself a week to think it all over, and as that week progressed I got more and more excited, and more and more sure.

So the end of this story is that I'm currently almost finished with my application to Luther Seminary for their Masters in Youth and Family Ministry program, and even though I still have doubts (still mostly based in money-worry), I've given up and given in to that pull inside my chest. If they'll have me, I'll start at Luther in September.

In the meantime, I've been reading a lot, talking with a couple of friends, and discussing faith and theology, and I've been wanting some place to write that out, so I'm starting a new blog. This will still be my main page, and I'll still write here when I have a life update, or when I travel, but the new blog will be specifically for faith-related stuff. So join me over there if you feel like it!

I hope you're all having a good day, week, month, and so on. It's finally snowing here in Northfield, and I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving in five days, and then...CHRISTMAS! Or rather, Advent, starts next Sunday!
Peace!

A Getaway, A Refusal, The Present, And Happiness

2011-09-27T23:06:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone!

Well, around the time of that last post back at the beginning of the month I decided I just needed to go somewhere to get a bit of that wanderlust out of my system. On a whim I called up my best friend Gabriel and asked him if he felt like road tripping it to Nashville with me. He said he was absolutely down, so the next step was to call my lovely step-sister Jessi and ask if we could crash on her floor for a couple of days. One week later Gabe and I were rolling down the river road, following the Mississippi, windows down and hearts full of music.

It felt great to get back on the road again, and I enjoyed every minute of our trip down there and back almost as much as I enjoyed actually experiencing Nashville. On the way down we camped in Hannibal, Missouri, which is Mark Twain's home town, and I got a chance to geek out about seeing places like Jackson's Island that I've been dreaming about since I was about seven years old. Huck Finn IS my second favorite book, after all, trumped only by Peter Pan. Gabe didn't really understand my excitement, but he played along when we found Tom Sawyer's fence, which stands next to Twain's boyhood home.

Anyway, Nashville was great, and we spend the time there hearing as much music as possible. We checked out famous guitars stores, spent WAY too much money at the record stores, heard live music at a couple of different places, ate grits and drank sweet tea, toured Andrew Jackson's plantation, and spent a little time with Jessi and her husband Chris, which I was really glad about since I wasn't able to go to their wedding (because of being halfway around the world, ya know). And I got to feel like I was getting in touch with my Southern roots, even though my family's from South Carolina. All in all, a very successful adventure.

Then, back to Northfield, where I reveled in my new vinyl collection and got back into the swing of desk work. Still not my favorite thing. But at least, I thought to myself, I have a chance at getting the Americorps job I went out for in June.

So this job (I'm not sure if I'm mentioned it before) is to help teaching and tutoring in the elementary schools in Northfield, and it included such benefits as, you know, paying, and giving experience, and putting one's loans on hold. A good deal, really. Interviews were in June, but with the government shutdown they weren't able to confirm anything until just this week, and it turns out that even though the program was promised funding for ten different positions in the school district, they were only given enough for three in the end.

And the long and short of it is that today I found out I didn't get one of those positions. This bummed me out quite a bit at first, as it was the only solid lead I've had on ANYTHING in what seems like ages. Jobs are hard to come by when you don't want to flip burgers or work at Target. But I'm choosing to look at this as just another shove along my path. Clearly this job wasn't something I was meant for, but I did my best, and now I'm moving on.

Moving on to what, I'm not sure, but I'll get there.

And in the meantime I've thrown all extra energy into getting in shape. I've been doing it in sort of a leisurely way up until two weeks before I left for Nashville when I got a pass up at the Lakeville Lifetime Fitness and got serious. I've been building and building and making progress, and at this point I'm running four miles every other day with 15 minutes of strength training, and on days when I'm not doing that I do 30 minutes of crosstraining/conditioning and run a mile and a half. I allow myself one day off per week for that day when I just have no motivation whatsoever. Other than that, I lace up and go out whether I feel like it or not.

And I can feel the changes already. Not in numbers on a scale (those things are freakin' stubborn!) but in the way I walk, in the strength and confidence I have, in my optimism, and in the way I treat myself.

So things are good, even though they're not the way I would have planned them. I read something the other day that really sums up how I'm feeling about Right Now:

"I'm clearing my heart of ghosts lately; I think I need room for something else. I don't know what it is yet, but it's going to be unfathomably beautiful. I wake up every morning and smile because I know I'll get to see it. It's going to be that beautiful."

Wanderlust/Frustration

2011-09-03T20:28:00.001-07:00

I’ve got the itch again. I have to get out of here. Every time I leave, I see the things that I miss, and I come home, vowing to remember that all the things I need I already have. Flash forward four to six months and I’m packing my bags in a cold sweat, filling up the tank or standing in line at customs, because as long as I keep moving I’m in the current with time and I can quantify my achievements each day in miles traveled or countries crossed off my bucket list. When people ask “what have you been doing since graduation?” I can tell them I’ve lived in other places, seen things most people dream of seeing, done things most people don’t end up doing, and I feel like I can be proud of that.

But inevitably I get footsore and stumble back into my small town, grateful for the lilac smell in the spring, the days in the river in summer, the crispness of the air in fall, or the snow at Christmas. But being here means standing still. It means looking at what people have accomplished while I’ve been gone, and seeing their hard-won stability next to my head-strong resistance to monotony. My heart is equal parts lust for change and love for consistency.

I forget who said it, Emerson, possibly, or C.S. Lewis; that humans require a consistency in life in order to not be overwhelmed by the universe and go completely insane, but we also abhor boredom, and so we require change to stimulate our minds. Luckily, be it by divine providence or only by chance, we have the seasons. We know more or less what to expect depending on the month, and are comforted by that knowledge, but we also welcome spring each year with as much joy as if we hadn’t seen it before. Perfection.

And these are my seasons; leave, remember, return, ache.

Ache for a plan, a purpose, a reason to do this over that. Ache for the road, until I find these things. I leave with open eyes and hope of finding them, end up miles away wondering if I just forgot to pack them and become convinced they’re sitting on my bed at home, waiting for me. Only to return to find that they’ve left minutes before my reentry. It’s the least Zen thing about me, this always running off to catch something that feels just out of reach.

But what else can I do?

Really, Alison, what else can you do?

I could sit on my hands and ignore my wanderlust. Keep working this job, get another one to pick up the slack time and make some more money. Make enough to move permanently out of my parent’s house and into a place of my own. Hope that time will reveal this purpose I swear I must have. But the meantime is lonely; the way things are now, I spend a lot of time by myself.

I could go to graduate school, but to study what? Things that truly interest me, like classics or composition? Or something that may help me get a less boring job, like journalism or wildlife management? (The fact that those two possibilities seem leagues apart highlights my general indecision.) In the end, though, there’s no guarantee of a job, but there would certainly be more debt. And this would be my way of postponing making a decision. Only a placeholder in time.

Or I could take that road again. Without a plan, without enough money to last me any great length of time. I got good at trusting to faith and luck while I was away last time, and even though I missed a few meals I was never without a bed and some interesting new people.

All I know is that time is moving, and I’m standing in the middle of the stream feeling it wash past me, taking seconds of my life away with every ripple and splash of the current. Either I will be washed away somewhere with it, or I will charge upstream until I exhaust myself. But I can’t stand anymore.

Home Again, Home Again

2011-07-30T12:42:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone!

So, you know what? I usually apologize for not writing, but right now I'm really enjoying the fact that the recent absence of posts has caused most people to forget that this blog exists. It gives me something close to a clean slate again.

Because this isn't going to be a news post. If you've heard anything at all from me since I got back from NZ (and I'm really sorry if you haven't; I'm going to go into a whirlwind of email replies shortly) then you know I've been back for about three months, and I've spent most of that time job hunting, getting discouraged, trying to figure out what I want to "do with my life," and deciding that I'd better use this in-between-time constructively and at least get back in shape. Oh! And I cut all my hair off 'cause it's been unbelievably hot. The weather, not my hair. See?

But anyway, like I said, this is not a news post. This is an "Alison writing about life and plans" post.

First of all, I'd like to introduce you to two new best friends that I am inspired by, but haven't actually met in real life. First, Elizabeth Gilbert, who wrote "Eat Pray Love." I'm currently reading this book, and so much of it is reminiscent of my life at the moment, forgetting, of course, that Liz is in her mid thirties and I am only twenty-three. Right now I'm connecting with her mainly because I need reminders that everyone, no matter at what age, at some point (and some people at many points) have times in their life when they think "what am I doing??" Watching, or rather reading, Liz going through these things comforts me. Her book has a "light at the end of the tunnel" feel to it, which is something I need right now.

Secondly, there's Dylan Hart, who writes lots of things, but I've been mostly in love with her blog posts recently. She's twenty-six (or twenty-seven now?) and she's currently living in Costa Rica. After college she spent a few years being in a confused in-between place like me before finally saying "screw it, I'm going traveling!" She's a published author and she has some design jobs and things she does on the road, but in general she's another person who I look to to say "don't worry, you don't need to have everything figured out." One of the things I love about her is that she writes the way we talk. And by we, I mean that she uses the colloquialisms that are inherent in my group of friends. She makes herself very understandable. And she's brilliant. Click that link and go read her post about plans.

And between reading a lot of these two lately and thinking about the the concept of "plans" and "life purpose," my brain's been a bit preoccupied. What it comes down to is this: I'm 23 years old and I feel the pressure to "make something of myself." I've had plans, like Dylan when she says

"The big picture is hard. It's vague and BIG. It always feels just out of reach, but like you've got it completely under control. 'I will be married in three years, have a best seller and an adorable little adopted baby boy.'
Probs not, Miss Hart. Probs not."

Sometimes you just have to say to yourself, "probs not, self. Probs not." But this is only with plans that are specific in outcome and vague in the description of what effort will be needed. I love plans. I like mapping things out. But it's more for reactionary purposes than anything else. I think "well, here I've made three plans. Which one do I like best? Which one makes me the most enthusiastic?" and then I try to go after the end result with a willingness to work hard and the knowledge that I have no idea what's going to happen along the way.

But my problem recently is that I don't know which plan to go after. For reference to this, see my post last March in Wellington. Today, though, it dawned on me that all of my plans are regarding getting a job, establishing a career, and "becoming an adult." Given this, it makes sense that I'm having trouble because of two things; 1) subconsciously, and sometimes consciously, I don't want to be an adult. 2) I'm confining my choices, and therefore in my head the entirety of my future (though I know that what I chose now isn't forever), to a very small space. What I'm saying to myself, theoretically, is "self, do you want to be a doctor or a lawyer?" when all my inner self most wants to do is go skydiving in Mongolia.*

Y'ALL KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

So here's the real question: Do I want to just pick a career direction and go with it just to be moving? Or do I stay here in this space, reading, thinking, asking questions, living at home with my parents and making minimal money working for my dad for a while longer?

If option 1, then I need to close my eyes, spin around in a circle and point in a direction and attack it. If option 2, then I need to make peace with the fact that living with your parents can be a trial as well as a blessing; I need to accept that doing the work I'm doing for my dad isn't fulfilling for me, but that it is temporary; I need to find a way to deal with the stress of not having health insurance and being a financial burden to my parents for a while longer; and most of all I need to find a way to deal with my own feelings of inadequacy for not getting the fuck out of the nest (excuse my language) and becoming one of those "productive members of society" my nagging inner voice is always talking about.

So there you are. Is there a third option that hasn't presented itself to me? Are these my choices? And what about skydiving in Mongolia?**

For today I'm ok with thinking and reading and praying. But what about tomorrow?

*Just for reference, I want none of those things.
**No, really. I hate heights. This is for visualization purposes only.

In Which I Give Up On Trying To Catch Up On Text Posts And Just Make A Video

2011-06-03T00:02:00.000-07:00

And I'm sorry that this video begins with a Mr. Rogers moment. I was just having too much fun with the guitar to be bothered to put it down.

I'm also sorry that your volume is going to have to be full blast to be able to hear my babbling. The whole house was asleep. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

Kaikoura

2011-05-10T20:20:00.000-07:00

Another quick picture post! Kaikoura (made of up the Maori "kai" meaning "food," and "koura," meaning something like "of the sea") is famous for it's wildlife and, oddly enough, it's seafood. There's a HUGE ocean trench right off shore which they call the Whale Highway, along with a coral reef sort of thing, that all comes together to create a GREAT place for whales, dolphins, seals, sea lions, fish, turtles, and all kinds of stuff!

And I went on a whale watch! It was AWESOME, and we saw FOUR sperm whales! For those of you that don't know, that's effing rare.

Whale tail!

Mt. Cook

2011-05-05T02:21:00.000-07:00

I made it up to Mt. Cook after Queenstown, and it was pretty amazing. I had a cold (and honestly I was still a bit sore from my scaling of Ben Lomond) so I didn't try any of the walks, but I DID get to see the Sir Edmund Hillary museum, which was super cool! Mt. Cook is the tallest mountain in NZ, and it's what Sir Ed practiced on for Everest.

"It is an act of worship just to sit and look at a high mountain"
-Sir Edmund Hillary

Part of the memorial to all the climbers who have died in the attempt.

Me and the man himself, life size. I ALMOST measure up.

The sun hitting the mountain range the morning we left.

Milford Sound

2011-05-05T02:05:00.000-07:00

Alright, here are a couple of picture posts of the last few things I did before I got back up to Auckland! First, Milford Sound. Which is actually a misnomer, as a sound is a riverbed that the sea has eventually flooded. It's ACTUALLY a fjord, which is a part of the sea that's had land raised up through it. *pushes nose bridge of dorky glasses*

HERE WE GO

There's no way to show the scale of this place. Just imagine craning your neck up and STILL not being able to see the top very well.

There are so many waterfalls!

Here's the bottom of one...

Here's the famous Miter Peak, which is apparently the most photographed mountain in New Zealand!
Just. Beautiful.

Going North

2011-04-30T00:34:00.000-07:00

“I love the road, and I’ve been blessed, but I love you best!”
-Caroline, by Brandi Carlile

Guys, I’m coming home! I’ve changed my plane ticket to May 10th, so I’ll be back in about a week and a half! First, let me just say, I’m really excited about this.

But I also feel compelled to explain my reasoning a bit. Which is lame, ‘cause I shouldn’t have to explain a desire to come home after traveling for three and a half months, but because my visa is valid for a year, and because I’ve met so many people who have been on the road for many more months, and some even years, I feel like I should explain.

When I first set out, I told everyone I didn’t know how long I’d be gone, but it’d probably be between six months and a year. The reason I had no idea what the time frame would be was because I had no idea what I was looking for, or where I’d end up, or what I’d be doing. The reality of it is that, as much as I love the road and feel its call pretty constantly, it’s also pretty hard to be packing your bags and moving on every day, especially alone, and I’ve come to really respect people who do it for a living. But my reasons for coming back aren’t based in my travel fatigue, so much as in the following:

1) Money, cost of living and timeframe – Guys, it is WICKED expensive to live in this country. You have to budget 10 to 15 dollars per meal even to just get something small (even a cheeseburger value meal at McDonalds is $8), at least $25 for a paperback book, $2.50 or so for a small candy bar… you get the idea. So just living and paying for food and accommodation will deplete your wallet pretty fast, even WITH the exchange rate (which is going downhill pretty fast), and if you add any activities on to that, well… The long and short of it is that I worked like a dog at two jobs in the States for six months, and that amount of money lasted me three in NZ. I planned on getting a couple of jobs here, and I did, but earning minimum wage is not enough to fund travel. It’s enough to get you food and lodging if you’re working full time, but that’s pretty much it. In order to make enough money to travel around some more I’d have to work like a dog here for another six months, and I’m just not prepared to do that because

2) just like I felt the call out here, I’m now feeling the call home. There are things I’ve wanted to accomplish, and I HAVE done 3/4ths of them (or will by the time I set food in the States again), and there are things I couldn’t have expected, and they’ve changed me. All travel changes you, if you let it, but quests and pilgrimages like this one are especially prone to revelation and rebirth. Because I feel changed, and like I’ve gained a lot from what I’ve done and learned here, I feel like this trip has fulfilled its purpose. It’s as simple as that, and yet I can’t explain exactly what those changes are and exactly what I HAVE learned partly because they are too personal to make real for someone else, and partially because I don’t know yet fully what the end result is or will be.

Does that make sense? Probably not. But if you end up in deep conversation with me when I come back, as I know those of you who I’m closest with most definitely will, I’ll be able to explain a bit better. I’ve had layers of my dragon skin pealed away; I’ve faced several challenges, mental, physical and spiritual, and come out on top; I’ve rediscovered a self that I haven’t seen hide or hair of since I was young, and while I still have a ways to go on one issue that I’m currently dealing with, I feel stronger than I have in years.

But even when I come home, my journey isn’t over. First of all, homecoming is just as much a part of the quest as leaving it. Arnold van Gennep, one of anthropology’s founding fathers, said that any rite of passage or pilgrimage is made up of separation, ordeal and reintegration. So I’ve still got one stage left, at least! Secondly, what a lot of travel will make you realize is that whether you’re in your own country or half-way across the world, there are pilgrimages to make, mountains to climb, things to discover… The fortunate or unfortunate thing about this truth is that it often TAKES a trip to the ends of the earth to realize this. And I think that’s ok, because at least in my case, I always want to see what’s over the next hill, even if it IS just as cool as what’s in my backyard.

Anyway. The gist of all this is that I’m coming home. And I’m excited about it!

I’m excited for late spring/early summer. I’m excited to be in tune with the seasons again. I’m excited for services at St. John’s. I’m excited for high tops, having more than three changes of clothes, having a room of my own to lie down in at night, space to do yoga, cheaper food (especially chocolate!), maple trees, being able to sing at the top of my lungs in my car, driving down the stretch of highway 19 between I35 and Northfield, FREE INTERNET, constant access to a library, hearing Maddie making the whole house loud, bubble baths, sitting and taking with mom and Lance before bed, seeing the sunrise out my East window in the morning and falling asleep in the glow of the streetlight at night, sitting and being slightly frustrated with sitting while listening to Gabe muck around with a guitar, giggling like mad with my sisters when dad says something particularly hilarious, moving my chickens back into the yard for the summer (if they haven’t been moved already!), having more control over what and when I eat and exercise, being able to do laundry WHENEVER I WANT, walking in the arb, biking around with my ipod on, going to the Co-op, being able to talk to people on the phone, going camping with my new tent (I plan to do that a lot this summer!), eating breakfast in the sunny kitchen, ETC ETC

I’m excited. Can you tell? But don’t worry, there will be a long list of things I’ll miss about New Zealand coming soon. And also updates with things like the Fjordlands, Mt. Cook and Kaikoura. :-)

The Moments

2011-04-25T04:35:00.000-07:00

“For the pilgrim, the traveler with a deep purpose, this is the moment of truth, when the search for the real takes you to a place that pierces your heart.”

-The Art Of Pilgrimage

These are the moments that have pierced mine:

The afternoon I went hiking in Tongariro National Park, and spent hours sauntering, then running, then climbing through the thickest greenery I’d ever seen. With my green shirt and camo shorts I felt like I became part of the forest, whipping through the trees with my pack light on my shoulders, ears following the sound of trickling streams, eyes pealed for the birds that flew kamikaze fashion across the path in front of me. Every moment was pure joy, every straining muscle was a song of thankfulness, every touch of the plants on my skin as I passed was a blessing.

The moment I walked into the white church in Dannevirke and sat down in a pew, listening to the music and the prayers of the people for the first time in what seemed like ages. I felt so far from home, and yet here, on the other side of the world, my heart recognized a similarity, and for a moment the pain of distance and the comfort of the familiar washed over me and left me unable to stop crying. I spent the whole service in tears, as waves of emotion rolled over me and smashed me into the bedrock of who and what I am; a soul bound in flesh, who aches to shed the barriers of skin and bone and join a greater chorus. It wasn’t sadness, and it wasn’t happiness. It was a coming home.

The day I decided to climb Ben Lomond I faced another layer of what I’ve come to call my “dragon skin.” On the hill up to the start of the path I thought “wow, this is rough. Maybe I won’t go all the way to the top.” On the first few miles of the trail through birch forest, with my Achilles tendons feeling like they were about to snap, I thought “maybe I’ll just go up to the tree line.” After I broke out of the forest and into the sunlight with miniscule snowflakes falling down around me I stopped to marvel, and to have lunch, and thought “maybe I’ll just go back after I’m done eating.” But I didn’t. These negative “I can’t do it” thoughts haunted me all the way up that mountain. Every time I’d get to a point when I had to just stop and breathe, I’d look up and convince myself that I was just going to go a little farther, just to that next hill, just to that next boulder, just to that next turn in the path. Finally I made it to Ben Lomond Saddle, the base of the mountain’s tip, the place I told myself I’d be proud of if I could just make it there. And then I looked up and saw how close the top was, and looked down at my exhausted body, my bruised knees and blistered feet and said “I can’t go back now.” I forced myself up that last precipice, occasionally scaling it with my hands and feet because the boulders and the incline wouldn’t let you up any other way, but up I went. The moment when I finally touched the cairn at the top and looked around, breathless, I felt like time stopped. I’d done it. My heart felt like it might stutter to a halt at any moment, I felt like I’d been run over by a truck, but my mind was flying out over the endless expanse that spread out below me. I threw my fear, my doubt and my pain off the top of that mountain, and I came down clean.

Wander Lonely Through The Woods

2011-04-23T05:05:00.000-07:00

Brandi Carlile - Have You Ever

Have you ever wandered lonely through the woods?
And everything there feels just as it should.
You're part of the life there,
You're part of something good;
If you've ever wandered lonely through the woods.

Have you ever stared into a starry sky?
Lying on your back you're asking why
What's the purpose, I wonder who am I;
If you've ever stared into a starry sky.

Have you ever been out walking in the snow?
Tried to get back where you were before,
You always end up not knowing where to go;
If you've ever been out walking in the snow.

If you'd ever been out walking you would know.

Ben Lomond

2011-04-22T22:20:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post with pictures from the mountain I climbed yesterday. The memory of doing this is going to stick with me. There were three separate times when I sat down and thought "I don't think I can do this. I think I have to turn around." But I didn't. I got to the top of the highest point in the area. It was a pretty intense experience.

The path up once I broke the treeline. That's Ben Lomond. Ufda.

Got to a bit of a plateau...

There's Queenstown, waaaaaay down there! And here's my typical "I don't know what I should be doing in this picture" face.

Two thirds of the way up, and I've still got the worst part ahead of me:

But I did it! Here's the cairn at the top to prove it!

And here's one of the views from the top. I'll show you more when I get home! :-)

It's A Random Thoughts And Feelings Post!

2011-04-19T18:53:00.000-07:00

Written next to a crackling fire in Abel Tasman
-----------------------------------------------------------
I'm not sure how it happened, but somehow I've stumbled into Neverland. It turns out that it's not a place, it's a state of mind; a feeling of unsettlement; a traveling; a collective mind. This group of half-grown children from numerous countries all share a sense of displacement. We all feel forced from the nursery and into a dusky in-between where we have no solid ground. So we travel, we take a gap year, an overseas experience, a break from real life. We have vague ideas of what we'll do when we get "back home," but even as we say the words we wonder inwardly where home is. Home rings two tones for us, one a call of comfort, the other a clanking of chains. Perhaps it's only us, a priveliged section of humans growing older in a new millenium, but we would rather spend time wondering where the next meal will come from, what the next sunrise will bring, than serve the certainty of a paper-strewn desk. As one colorful bohemian related over the neck of a battered guitar, "I would do anything for money except work." But my university education and knowledge of human nature won't let me naively claim this feeling as my generation's alone. There are too many revolutions and renaissances in the history books that say differently. Surely the youth of the bored French aristocracy felt much as we do, and what does that say about us? But surely the starving artists of 14th century Italy felt these things as well, or we would not see our faces so clearly in their brushstrokes. The question remains, will we live our whole lives in this medial state? Some of us might. And some of us will step through the misty curtain to another world. But this Neverland will always be a part of our story.

Walking
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I do all my best thinking when I'm walking. Hiking through the forest, sometimes out of breath, sometimes sauntering along, listening to music or listening to the birds; it clears out my mind and lets me see clearly. It reminds me of things I already knew, but had forgotten, and it zaps me with insight when I'm most receptive. Soren Kierkegaard said "Above all, do not lose your desire to walk: Every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts." Nietzsche said "Never trust a thought that didn't come by walking." I completely agree. Whenever I feel lost, all I have to do is move my feet.

Purpose
-----------
When I was getting ready to come to New Zealand I spent a long time trying to figure out what my motivation was. I read and thought a lot about it, and decided that ultimately I was heading to New Zealand in search of myself, because I felt a call. What I realized in the last week, with the help of some awesome new friends, is that I'm NOT looking for myself. I already AM. That's not the problem. What I really aim to do is to strip away all the things in my past, in my mind, and in my point of view that cover over the core of that being that I am. That's why I've always found the image in C.S. Lewis' 'Dawn Treader' where Aslan rips off Eustace's dragon skin so powerful. I'm covered in that same thick hide, made up of past grievences I couldn't let go, fears I was too afraid to face, and other layers I haven't found out about yet. I've only been in NZ for two and a half months, but already I'm feeling those dead scales peeling away and I'm letting the truth and love of who I am shine through. I'm passing through a fire, here, and I can't wait to see my reflection on the other side.

The West Coast, The Gang, And Queenstown

2011-04-17T23:39:00.000-07:00

Wow, it has been WAY too long since I last updated. I feel like a ton has happened, even though it’s only been about a week and a half. Before I start going into the cool stuff that’s happened, I have to introduce a bunch of new characters.

So there’s Meg. She was the one I met first when we shared a room in Abel Tasman. She’s from Ontario, and she’s one of the funniest and most real people I’ve ever met. She is, as we've been joking, the courage behind my badassery. She has a great heart, and I’m gonna miss her tons when she heads to Australia in a few days. She also apparently has a friend named Tom back at home who is a male version of me, so I’m totally going to visit when I get back. She’s the one on the right.

There’s Emily, who’s also from Canada (Calgary, I think), and she’s a crazy awesome bohemian who’s running around New Zealand without a plan, much like me. I met her the first night we were in Abel Tasman as well, and my first memory of her is her sitting in the common room playing guitar and saying “I’d do anything for money, except for work.” It was hilarious.

There’s Kira and Hardy, who I have to write up as a pair ‘cause they’re so effing adorable together. They’re from Germany, and I honestly have to say that I’ve never found German a nice language until I heard them speak it. Hardy’s a bit quiet until you get to know him, and then he’s just a super chill, super nice guy who I wish I could talk to more. Kira’s probably one of the top five most gorgeous people I’ve ever met. She’s got style, and she’s got a sort of dry humor that really comes out in her German to English translations, and she’s playful, which is one of my favorite characteristics in people. Here’s the four of them all together:

Then there’s Anna, who’s from England, and is a bit of a bookworm like me, but she knows how to party. We’ve had some great conversations about communes in Niceragua and the English opinion of the royal family.

And last there’s Joao and Ghislaine, and I’m not sure if I’m spelling EITHER of their names right. Joao is from Portugal and Ghislaine is from the Netherlands. Joao competes only with Meg for the loudest person in the group. He’s crazy and will go running off places randomly and singing at the top of his lungs in total silence. I know a bit less about Ghi, because she’s super quiet most of the time, and sort of stays in the background, but I guess that’s to be expected if you’re dating Joao.

So that’s the core eight (including me). We’ve got a few that come and go outside of that, but the eight of us have been together since we got to the South Island. We’re tight, and we’ll all be going our separate ways starting tomorrow, and that bums me out.

But here’s what we’ve been up to in the past week:

-Took the HUGE ferry from Wellington to Picton and started our journey on the South Island.

-Spent the first night here at Abel Tasman National Park, which was beautiful, but not quite as nice as National Park in the North Island, at least to me. I thought about doing the Great Walk they have there, but decided against it in the end because the timing was weird. Now I’m glad I did, ‘cause I wouldn’t have really met this cool group!

-The next night we spent in Barrytown, which has a population of about 40, so our bus pretty much doubled it. We stayed in a pub that doubled as a hostel, and had a crazy dress-up party and I had my first long convo with Meg about not knowing what we’re doing with our lives. It’s really nice to meet other people who have the same feelings and doubts about that as I do.

-The next night we were in Franz Joseph, which was BEAUTIFUL. My favorite place, I think, or at least right up there with Natty P, as Meg calls it. Just when you think the hills can’t get any higher, you see the even LARGER mountains and the glaciers on top.

-We stayed two night in Franz Joseph so we could spend a whole day climbing the glacier, which I did, and it was GORGEOUS.

-Next day we got on the road again and slept in Makarora, another tiny town with about one store. That night was karaoke, and I’m proud to say that I’ve now embarrassed myself in that fashion at least once in my life. Hardy and I sang “By The Way” by the Chili Peppers. We pretty much rocked it.

-Then, finally, the next day we got to Queenstown. I was sad that we were done with our beautiful West Coast drive, but it was nice to get back into civilization after our time in the wilds. Plus, this is the first place in NZ where I’ve felt like it’s really fall. Most of where we’ve been has been dense rainforest, and this is the first place with trees that change color!

-Since we got to Queenstown we’ve been bungy jumping (not me, but a few of us), been out partying, had some sweet serious convos, eaten Fergberger (which Queenstown is famous for), taken part of the walk around the lake, met some new friends, Kira’s gotten a SWEET tattoo (I thought about getting one, but nothing felt right), and had a pretty great time overall. Mostly we’re just enjoying being around each other. I keep feeling like I should be spending my time making plans and looking for jobs, but I figure taking a break from that for five days (last Friday through Tuesday) to enjoy being where I am with who I’m with isn’t a bad thing.

So I don’t know what I’m going to be doing, or where I’ll be, after Tuesday, but things will work out. I have a couple of job possibilities, but I’d like to stay near Queenstown for a bit. It’s so pretty here, and there are lots of hiking possibilities, even though I think it may now be too cold to camp. We’ll see. But I’ll try to keep this a bit more updated, and for more pictures of my adventures (I can only put so many on this blog ‘cause it takes SO long to upload) go check out my facebook.

Peace, y’all!

Birthday!

2011-04-06T22:17:00.001-07:00

Well, here it is again (at least in New Zealand): April 7th. The day of my birth. I'm 23 now! Not entirely sure if I like it yet, but I'll have to wear it around for a bit before I decide if it fits. On the bright side, now I can listen to "What's My Age Again?" by Blink-182 and feel totally awesome. There's something great about listening to songs that talk about being your age. Next year I have "24" by Switchfoot to look forward to. Yay!

This is also my last day in Wellington, so here's a couple of things that I've been seeing/thinking/doing:
-There's this homeless guy who sits on the corner one block from my hostel, and after seeing him there every day, sometimes several times, while I walk from one place to another, I started having this urge to do something for him. He wasn't asking for anything. He's always just sitting, or sometimes sleeping, rolled up in a tattered blanket. For two or three days I just thought about what I could give him, and after rejecting a whole bunch of ideas I realized I had an extra small blanket and pillow that I'd bought while I was at PM Shearing that I didn't really need anymore. So yesterday I rolled them up and brought them with when I went for a walk, and when I got to his corner he was sleeping (which was great for me, as I was nervous about what I'd say to him). So I just set them next to him, and later on that day I saw him snuggled up with them in his usual spot. It made me feel pretty awesome. Now I smile every time I see him.
-I've had some pretty bad homesickness today. I actually counted how many days it would take me to go straight through the rest of the Stray tour back to Auckland and then go home. On the one hand, I'm frustrated with myself for wanting to leave only two months after getting here, but I miss home, and I think it's partly because I'm living like I'm on vacation. If I was living like this was every-day life (watching my spending more carefully, working all the time, having a set schedule) then I don't think it would be as exhausting. Or, not so much exhausting as...I'm not sure. But I feel like I want to go home. The only thing that's keeping me here is that there's still so much I want to see. But guys, I hope too many people aren't disappointed in me if I come back in another two months or so. Is four to six months a respectable amount of time to be gone when my visa's for a year? I feel like not taking the whole time would be wasteful.
-I really like Wellington as a city. It's surrounded by water, and it's got lots of green space, and it's very hilly, like San Francisco or Edinburgh. It doesn't make you feel closed in, like other cities I've been in. I could live here for a while if I wasn't so rarin' to get down to the South Island.
-I realized while I was on the Lord of the Rings tour the other day (yes, pictures are coming, but the internet's so slow here it takes forever to upload, so I'm waiting!) that I'm at my happiest when I'm out in the woods. My one shining moment of pure joy that I've been holding on to lately is the day I went for a hike in National Park near Taupo. It was a perfect day, and I had music and a pack and my boots, and I roamed through the woods for five hours, saw an amazing waterfall, and came back exhausted to a bowl of noodles and a hammock. When I was out with the LOTR tour we went to a wooded area where they shot Rivendel and I wandered around a bit and felt that same happiness. I've heard that you should follow those feelings, because they're usually telling you something, like what you should be doing. So I'm trying to listen. But mostly I just want that feeling again. It's right up there with being in love.

So, there are a couple of things for now. I'll be posting pictures and more travel updates soon!

Wellington (Finally!)

2011-04-03T23:35:00.000-07:00

Alright, even though y'all have been LESS than helpful in responding to my angst-posts, I shall reward you with photos, regardless. I'm just that awesome. This shall be another pic-heavy and talk-lite post, so get ready!

Here's a picture of me and Ann and Murray, in case you were wondering who these strange people I stayed with in Dannevirke were. Please disregard my squinty eyes.

Before I left they gave me this cool necklace made out of glass. The spiral is a common New Zealand motif, representing the newly uncurling fern. Ann said it reminded her of me because it had blue, like the sea, and green like the hills, and I'd be traveling in both of them. I like it a lot.

Here's my first view of Wellington from the bus:

My first full day in Wellington was spent at the zoo. It was AWESOME. Here's a picture of the one legged kiwi they have! His other leg was cut off in a trap before the zoo rescued him. This is probably the only time I'll see NZ's national bird, as they're nocturnal and endangered.

I got to help with the check-up of two baby meerkats at the zoo! It was SO cool.

Here's the Beehive, which is Wellington's parliament building:

And the new St. Paul's cathedral, where I went to a Lutheran-style service!

Here's Te Papa, which is the national museum. It's part natural history, part art, and part science museum:
Here's a map of all the fault lines in the world, with the one that goes straight through New Zealand:

A funny quote I found at the museum:

The view of Wellington from the top of Mt. Victoria:

My first view of the South Island from the tip of Wellington!:

I went out to lunch with Nathan and Bridget (Bridget is Ann and Murray's daughter) on Sunday and ordered "grilled flounder" from the bay outside the window. This is what came out. I was a little confused about how to eat it, but it was DELICIOUS.

And there HAD to be an "after" picture:

View of Wellington from the top of Mt. Cook (which is opposite Mt. Victoria):

I went for a tramp out along the the southern tip of Wellington today. It was beautiful:

(Intermission Part Deux)

2011-04-03T04:38:00.000-07:00

(And yes, the Wellington posts with pictures are still coming)

This week I’ve been dealing with my addiction to fiction.

After sitting one night realizing how much time I spend reading, watching movies, watching tv shows, being invested in fictional characters, and talking with others who have the same interests, the thoughts started to annoy me.

I mean, here I am in New Zealand. When I was at home I was daydreaming about coming here. I’m always daydreaming about faraway places and the adventures I’ll go on when I get there. And now I’m HERE. I’m ON my grand adventure. And all I want to do half the time is curl up and immerse myself in someone else’s life! How can that be?

I can’t remember a time when I WASN’T a bookworm, or out in the backyard playing pretend, or staring out the window daydreaming. I think, for whatever reason, this is just part of who I am. And I think part of that is a good thing; it’s part of my creativity. But the problem comes in when the fiction starts to take you away from real life. From this moment, now.

A lot of the awareness that I’ve been trying to foster, and the meditation and prayer that I try to practice, is based in the knowledge that the present moment is the only one in which you can act. The past is done, the future is uncertain at best, but NOW you can think and feel and do. And when I realize I’ve just spent a large part of my day living in fantasy, I wonder what it is I could have been doing instead.

I think part of my problem is that I associate the word “happiness” with an ideal state that you can achieve, and not with a constant state of joy in which I can live. In the back of my mind I believe that I’ll know I’ve achieved happiness when I’m in a place where I’m no longer daydreaming of something better.

I think that’s part of what I’m looking for, on this journey: that definition of happiness. Finding a place where I think “yes, there is no better place than this.” A place where I don’t want anything more than what is in front of me.

But is that realistic? Ok, bad choice of words when discussing fiction. I mean, is that…healthy? I don’t know that I ever will be in a place where I stop dreaming, and if I am, will that mean I’ve lost the creative part of myself? And if I lost my creative side, would I really be happy?

And clearly I’m a bit TOO caught up in my thoughts if I’m going around in circles like this.

I guess when it comes down to it, I feel bad for spending time enjoying something that has me sitting on my butt instead of “doing,” and I’m not sure if I should change things, or just let myself be. Or something in between the two.

(Intermission)

2011-03-31T01:18:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I'm gonna post a lot of cool stuff about Wellington now that I've arrived here, and things ARE super cool, but I have to take a quick break to freak out, so bear with me.

I don't know what I'm going to do with my life when I get back to the States.

Yeah, I know I'm repeating myself with this "what am I doing with my life" stuff, but I just feel so lost sometimes. I was walking around at the zoo today and enjoying the animals and thinking about how I wanted to be a zookeeper for a while, and that got be thinking about all the things I've wanted to "be" in my life.

The first time I remember answering that "what do you want to be when you grow up?" question, I answered that I wanted to be a part-time veterinarian and part-time player for the WNBA. I couldn't settle on just one thing even then. Over time I've thought seriously about being a vet, a fiction writer, a zookeeper, a museum curator, a journalist, a farmer, etc, etc.

I know my career isn't ME, and I think as a whole people are too focused on defining themselves by the job they have, but I DO need to figure out how I'm going to earn money, and how I'm going to afford a place to live, and WHERE I want to live, among other things.

While I'm here in New Zealand I'm living on borrowed time. I'm learning tons, and making enough money to travel around and see things. Kerouac would be proud. I'm making it as a vagabond, and I'm proud of it. BUT, people are already asking me about what I'm going to do when I get home, and I don't have an answer. There are so many possibilities, and yet everytime I try to follow one possibility I seem to hit a brick wall.

If I want to go and be a vet, I'd have to go back to school for a year or two to qualify for vet school, and then do that. Another 6 years in school. If I wanted to be a vet tech, which would be pretty cool, I'd have to go back to school for two years, but then my bachelor's would pretty much be wasted.

If I wanted to be a zookeeper I'd need to go back to school for between 1 and 4 years and then find an internship. Starting my way from the bottom, again.

If I wanted to be a writer, I'd have to get something published. Ditto being a journalist. So far this is looking the most likely, haha.

If I wanted to be a museum curator I'd have to get an internship at a museum. This is fairly possible, but I'm not sure I want to work in a museum, as that usually means living in a city.

If I wanted to be a farmer, I'd need to get a position on a farm (working my way into a management position) while I make money for land or a farm of my own. I could be working at that for at least ten years before seeing anything come of it.

I don't know, guys. Everything just seems so impossible, sometimes. I'm a go-getter, and if I really felt passionately about one thing, I'd work for it even though it DID seem impossible, but I'm pulled in different directions with no clear sign saying "THIS IS YOUR CALLING."

I need some direction. Anyone got any ideas?

"If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present."
-Lao Tzu

Onward!

2011-03-26T17:55:00.000-07:00

I’m done with my dairy job now, after two and a half weeks working for Hennie and Kerri Verwaayen, and I’m on to the next thing. Basically, here’s minor plan in outline form, as I want this post to be mostly photos.

-It’s now Sunday. I’ll be staying in town with Ann and Murray until Wednesday or Thursday, when I’ll take a bus down to Wellington.
-I’ll spend somewhere around a week in Wellington, exploring NZ’s capitol, seeing the museums, and if I’m lucky, stumbling onto some of the work being done for The Hobbit, which started filming last week!!
-While in Wellington I’ll catch up with the Stray bus and then ride over to the South Island with them and continue on in their route, which, I think, goes to Abel Tasman national park next!

And after that I have no idea. The footloose and fancy-free life of the road is calling.

But here’s what’s happened on the farm while I was around, and I’ll hopefully have some pictures of Ann and Murray and their place in my next post.

P.S. Some of these photos are blurry because they were taken through a plastic bag, as I didn’t want my camera to be covered in manure and other viscous fluids.

Here’s the milking shed at the farm:

A pen full of my charges. That bunch in the back is the mob of Fresian heifer calves.

Taking the four-wheeler and walking the in-calf cows out to their paddock:

One of the numerous paddocks on the farm. Pretty, though!

Bringing in the milking herd. You can’t see it here, but there are cows as far as the eye can see all lined up. I’m tempted to re-write that Cake song and call it “Long Line of Cows.”

Hennie and Lucy helping deliver a breech calf:

A couple of pics of me and my calves!

My white board, outlining the different pens, and who’s where:

Me in my coveralls in front of the milking shed:

My calf bite (ok, she didn’t really bite me, she was just sucking on my arm and then butted upwards like she’d do if she were really drinking, and happened to graze me with her baby teeth):

So yeah! Here are a couple more points of note from the last week:
-I was apparently in my first earthquake, even though I didn’t feel it. I was milking with Hayden and there was a squeaking noise that I thought was the milk pump, but Hayden froze and looked at the ceiling. I said “what’s up?” and he said “didn’t you feel that?” and I said no, and he said “that was an earthquake! A tiny one. It moved the shed a bit.” And I said “oh!” And that was that!
- I got cut with a rusty wire a couple of days ago. As I was measuring it Hayden walked by and tripped over it, pulling it through my hands, and it was all rusted and frayed and it ripped my right hand up a bit. So the next day I checked my immunization records and found that I hadn’t had a tetanus booster since 2000, so I called the clinic in town, and after getting my name, birthday and permanent address they told me to come in the next day. The next morning I went in, got my shot, waited the 20 minutes to make sure I wasn’t allergic to it, and got out of the office in half an hour! And the shot was free! Under some accident insurance scheme in New Zealand, if you’re injured on the job you get most medical treatment for free, even if you’re not a resident! They didn’t ask for my visa or passport or anything! It was amazingly efficient and pain free. Except for the shot itself, of course.
-This isn’t really news, but I’m super in love with Brandi Carlile and her music. I posted a song of hers in the last post, and I hope you all listened to it. She’s all I’ve been listening to lately.

I’ve been feeling homesick lately, as well. I guess this happens whenever I’m in between things. But I really miss the people and places back home. More than ever, I wish there was a way to transport back and forth seamlessly, but then life would be too easy. I was saying to Kerri on the way into town today that I think people are constantly torn between their desire for adventure and new-ness, and their need for comfort and routine. When I’m home I want to be out, and when I’m out I want to be home. It’s part of the human condition, I reckon.

Also, I’m picking up Kiwi phrases like “I reckon,” “I’m knackered,” “I’m gonna go have a feed,” “I haven’t heard that in yonks,” and “pardon?” when you haven’t heard someone. We’ll see if I can bring them back to the States. :-)

And lastly, here’s a video of birdsong in the morning on the farm. This one’s for you, Dita!

Music Break

2011-03-26T12:18:00.000-07:00

Guys, this song makes me so homesick. Don't worry, this isn't the news post I promised; that's still coming. I just had to share this.

"I left home a long, long time ago
In a tin can for the road
With a suitcase and some songs
Chasing miles through the night time
Making tracks
With no time for looking back
To the place where I belong..."

Sunrise to Sunset

2011-03-15T01:34:00.001-07:00

Well, it’s the Ides of March today. This day has always fascinated me a bit. It makes me want to read Julius Caesar and run around speaking in Latin, but as I don’t have my complete works of Shakespeare with me, nor do I know Latin, I’m making due with watching the episode of Xena which shares the day’s name. Awesome.

I’ve been working on the farm here for six days now, minus my Sunday off, and I’m pretty well settled into the rhythm. Usually I wake up at 6:30 and am out at the milking shed by 7 to start feeding the calves (which we now have tons of; somewhere around 35 with more being born every day), but yesterday was the last day for the farm manager at Hennie and Kerri’s second farm, so Hennie and I went over there to do the morning milking while Kerri and Hayden did the milking here. Hayden and I will be helping with morning milking for the rest of the week until a new relief milker starts in to handle the Woodville (second) farm on Saturday.

So I get up for morning milking at 4:45 and am out at 5:15 to bring the cows in (or head to Woodville if I’m helping Hennie), and we’re done milking by between 8:30 and 9:30, and then we do any last minute chores and come home for breakfast around 10. After an hour for breakfast (we always have oatmeal with raisins, nuts, seeds and yogurt-covered peanuts) I go back out to the shed and help Hayden with whatever he’s doing for two hours until lunch, unless I have a special task from Hennie.

I suppose I should do some sort of introduction for Hayden, so here goes: first of all, I have to say he’s the cutest Kiwi farm boy I’ve ever seen, and he’s my age. BUT, before y’all start with the raised eyebrows and grins, I’ve gotta tell you that he’s married, and has three kids, who are very cute. He’s the farm manager here at the main farm, and he pretty much takes care of all the day-to-day things that need doing unless Hennie feels the need to do something himself (which happens a lot; he’s a huge believer in the “if you want something done right…” philosophy). Hayden’s a nice guy with a love for his work and his family, and never looks at me like I’m a complete dummy when I ask questions like “when Hennie says to cut out the white face calves, which ones does he mean?”

And for those of you that don’t know, white faces have, you guessed it, white faces. They can be red or black and white, and their breed is actually called Hereford.

We have mostly Holstein cows here at the farm, though they are called Fresians here in NZ. Fresians are bred for their milk production ability, but are sometimes crossed with Herefords because of the Hereford’s genes for easy calving and a few other things. Herefords themselves are actually a meat breed, so Hennie only keeps the crossed calves that have conformation (shape) and coloring like the Fresians and sells the ones that have Hereford conformation as meat animals. We’ve also got Airshire cows (bred for milk production) in the milking mob (herds, or big groups of anything in NZ and Australia, are always called mobs), and they cross with the Fresians as well, and we keep all the heifers born from them. There’s one more kind of cow that Hennie keeps in the mob, which is from Holland (where Hennie and Kerri are from) and it’s breed name is long, and in Dutch, so I’m not going to try to get it right. Anyway, they’re pretty cute cows, and Hennie keeps them more for nostalgia than anything else, as they’re a pretty rare breed.

Anyway, back to the day-to-day. At 12pm I go back to the house for lunch for an hour, or sometimes an hour and a half if there’s nothing pressing to do, and I have a sandwich and a nap. Then around 1 or 1:30 I’m back out to the farm to do more chores until 3. These mid-afternoon chores are usually things like mucking out new stalls for the calves, or throwing tires up on top of the silage hills to keep oxygen from getting in and spoiling it. Sometimes I go out with Hennie or Hayden to some of the rented land and move the mobs of dry cows to new paddocks.

Then around 3pm I go out on the four-wheeler, sometimes with Hayden and sometimes on my own, to collect the milking herd and bring them back to the shed. Afternoon milking starts at 4 and we milk until we get done around 5:30. Then I feed the calves their dinner, and then we clean up and head back to the house for dinner around 6:30 or 7.

And then I flop down on my bed and read until 9:30, when I get too tired to keep my eyes open and listen to music until I fall sleep.

It’s a good life, really! It’s good exercise, good for the soul to be outside and with animals all day (unless the calves are particularly trying; then it’s just a lesson in patience), and it’s nice to know at the end of the day that you’ve helped provide part of the country with the milk for their breakfast in the morning. Even so, I don’t think I want to be a dairy farmer. There’s pretty much no way of taking a break or vacation, ever, unless you hire someone to do milking for you. Being a dairy farmer means being tied to your farm every morning and evening, 360 days a year.

But for now I’m enjoying it a lot. And by the time I finish here I think I’ll have made back most of the money I’ve spent since I got to New Zealand, which is icing on the cake.

Cow Nanny

2011-03-10T00:03:00.001-08:00

Well, I just finished my first full day at Hennie and Kerri’s dairy farm, and I’m bushed. I suppose I’ll just write down a few things, ‘cause I feel like I should.

I got here yesterday evening in time to learn how to feed the calves their dinner. Hennie usually lets the calves stay with their mothers for a day or so after they’re born, but if they stay with them longer than that they get attached and it’s harder to wean the calves later when they’re sent to another farm. The upshot of this is that I’m the one who helps out (if any help is needed) with calves being born, and then I cart them over to the calf shed once they’ve had a bit of time to get used to the outside world. I feed them all once in the morning and once at night while the other cows are being milked. The older ones I feed with a neat little invention called a “calf-eteria,” which has a bunch of nipples attached to a large container that holds milk. This only works if the calves have a sucking reflex, however, and some of the ones that are only a few hours or a day or so old don’t have it yet, so I tube feed those guys until they’re strong enough to deal with the regular feeder.

They’re pretty darn cute, and the ones that were born today (two born over night, two born this afternoon) already think I’m their mom and follow me around, butting my legs and sucking on my fingers. It’s pretty adorable, when they’re not splashing fermented milk all over me. I helped with the births of the two born this afternoon because they were in weird positions en utero. I’ve never helped anything be born before, and I was partially amazed, partially grossed out, and partially feeling totally clueless and incompetent. As with all new jobs, I spend the first day learning how much I need to learn. But both calves made it through alright (one bull and one heifer), though the bull had a narrow squeak because his mom laid down right at the end and he couldn’t get any air. We had to hang him upside-down by his heels for a bit, and then he came right.

Let’s see, other things I helped with today…
I helped with afternoon milking a bit, and found out that I don’t remember as much as I thought I did. They do things differently here than at Cedar Summit, and they have different equipment, so there’s that to consider as well. For instance, they have milkers that automatically come off the cow when the milk flow stops, which I’ve never used before! If a milker came off at Cedar Summit, it just meant that the cow had kicked it off and you had to go down the line putting them all on again.
I helped move a bunch of cows to new paddocks, so they were pretty happy about having new grass.
I helped bring in a herd that was made up of yearlings and spring calves and we had to sort them out so only the yearlings were taken by truck to another paddock (Hennie and Kerri rent land in different places in the area). While we were sorting I realized the importance of always looking at the number of the cow you’re working with. If the Boss asks you ten minutes later which numbers you put into a pen, you should be able to rattle them off, and this means trouble for me as I have NO head for numbers whatsoever. Hennie asked me the number of the first cow that calved today, and I hadn’t even looked. Gotta remember to do that. Anyone have any tricks for memorizing numbers?

Oh, and I got my right foot stepped on by a mother cow at some point, and it hurts when I flex it. “So don’t flex it!” I can hear mom saying from across the Pacific. :-)

No idea what I’m going to be doing tomorrow, aside from nannying the calves, but I’m looking forward to learning more, and feeling a bit nervous about it as well. I hate doing a poor job of something, and I always feel like I’m messing things up until I get a few days of experience under my belt. Hopefully Hennie and Hayden (the main hired guy) will bear with me for a bit.

As for domestic life, the food is good (I eat with the family, and it’s delish), the bed is warm (even though my room is pretty cold), the showers are hot, I look positively picturesque in my blue milking jumpsuit and big boots (before they get covered in gunk), and the family is really nice. Hennie and Kerri have a daughter, Lucy, who’s in 9th grade and is pretty funny, and I hear rumors of a son who’s off at college and comes home on the weekends, but I haven’t met him yet.

I’ll be working here tomorrow and Saturday, and then Saturday night Kerri’s dropping me off back at Murray and Ann’s for the rest of the weekend, so I’m excited to see them again, and stay in their deliciously clean house. Somehow, living on a farm, you start to feel after a while that you’ll never really be clean again. Of all the good things in my life that I take for granted, good, clean, hot showers are never one of them.

News + Recap

2011-03-07T16:10:00.000-08:00

3-7

Well, let’s get the news out of the way first, shall we? This morning I had my meeting with Kerri, the woman who owns the dairy farm with her husband Hennie, and we got to talk a bit about the job. Here’s the gist:

They need someone for a couple of weeks to do fill-in milking, but mostly they need someone to take care of the calves, as the cows start calving on the 10^th of this month. My job will be to fill in at morning milking whenever it’s needed, and then to spend the rest of the day out with a four-wheeler and a cart taking care of the calves, making sure they’re feeding, chucking them into the right pastures and buildings, checking on the heifers about to calve, and possibly giving Hennie a hand with the actual calving itself it the heifers need it. I’m all for this, as working with baby animals is the best part of the whole farming gig, in my book!

For this work I’ll be paid hourly (we’re going to figure out a good salary in the first two days when they see how much I know, but the base rate is 12.25NZD per hour) and I’ll be living with Hennie and Kerri in their farmhouse about 10km outside of Dannevirke. It sounds like I’ll also have access to a “ute,” which is short for “utility vehicle,” and is what they call a pickup truck, so that’ll be my ride into town when I want it as I found out that my Minnesota driver’s license is good in New Zealand for 12 months. Now I just have to learn to drive on the other side of the road, and on the other side of the car!

All around, I think this job will work out nicely for two weeks or so to make some more money before I hope to head on down to the South Island. I’ll be starting with them on the 9th.

AND, my birthday’s a month from today, and I’m a bit excited about that, even though I’ll be far from home, and 23 isn’t an especially exciting number.

I feel like writing a bit about my insight into the world of shearing and Maori life (not that they’re the same, it’s just that the people I’ve been working with happen to be both) now that I’m done working with PMS, but I’m not sure quite what to say. I guess I’ll just say that people are people all over the world, and that you can’t make generalizations about anything. Having said that, though, here are some bullet points:

- All the people I met and worked with, all of whom are Maori except for two Pakeha guys who sheared occasionally, were heavy drinkers. The lightest was Tina, who would only really indulge about twice a week, and the heaviest of which was Lewis, who was drunk almost every night and had to be taken to hospital the night before I left. It makes me wonder, from an anthropological viewpoint, if this drinking is at all related to their genetic aptitude for addiction like that of many Native peoples all over the world, or if it has more to do with the hard life they live which pushes them toward anything that can make them forget.

- Everyone at PMS seemed pretty disposed toward using violence to settle arguments. Abby, who I mentioned before as being pretty rough and tough to begin with, had a fight with old Uncle Ben the second night I was there, which began over nothing, escalated into name calling, and ended with punches being thrown. The idea seems to be that you have to be able to put up your fists and protect yourself at the slightest provocation or insult, and I wonder again if this has to do with the old Maori challenge customs, or is something just inherent in blue color lifestyle here in NZ.

- It seems that, in the rural areas, whether Maori or Pakeha, there’s a taught deference to the males. Women will argue with their husbands or brothers, but when it comes down to brass tacks the women just have to shut up and take whatever ruling is given. I may be exaggerating a bit here, but that’s honestly what it seems like to me. Even Ann scolded her daughter Emma when she told Scott, her husband, to do something instead of doing it herself, and Emma rolled her eyes a bit. That makes me think that the younger generation may be changing this a bit. Either way, it bothers me to no end, even though I’m in a situation where I haven’t got any guy to have to answer to anyway. Just a burr under my saddle when it comes to this issue, I guess.

- There seems to be a fairly large divide between social mores in rural areas and urban areas. The people who I met in Auckland and even Rotorua had different ideas about life and food and how to do things than the people out in Taupo and down here in Dannevirke. I know this is true to an extent in the US as well, so possibly my being in a new country and seeing with new eyes, as it were, is making these things jump out at me.

- I love the way people talk in New Zealand! First of all, most questions are phrased like a statement, with the inflection coming down at the end, but then you add “eh?” at the end to signal that it IS, in fact, a question. For instance, instead of saying “would you like to go to town with me?” they say “how would you like to go into town with me, eh?” Also, verbs are turned into phrases in an interesting way, so instead of saying “I’m chatting” you say “I’m having a chat.” The same is said for “having a feed,” “having a sleep,” “having a listen,” etc. I dig it.

That’s enough for anthropological talk, I think! I’m having dinner with the pastor and his wife tonight, and it makes me feel like Anne of Green Gables having dinner at the Manse.

And now, two pictures! One of the gang, and one of the shearing sheds.

From left to right above: Tina, Abby, Uncle Ben, Lewis, and one of Abby's brothers who I don't remember, and his son down at the table.

Meanwhile...

2011-03-03T21:54:00.000-08:00

Well, it’s been a while since I wrote anything, and that has mostly to do with the fact that I haven’t felt very well the last couple of days. Laziness can pretty much cover the excuse department up until that point!

Let’s see, last Sunday I went back to the same church I went to the week before for their “potluck service,” which was fun. Everyone brings food, and they do some singing and reading and such before the meal, and then discuss the readings while eating brunch, and then finish up with communion afterward. I haven’t seen anything like it before, but I liked it! I got to talk a lot with Pete and Shelley, two residents who I’d met the week before, and then was invited to Ann and Murray’s (another super wonderful couple from last week) for lunch. Of course, we were all still pretty full from the potluck, so I think inviting me for lunch was just an excuse to be their friendly selves and have me over to their house. So I spent the afternoon with them and their daughter and her husband (who’s from Canada, and who’s accent put me right at home) and their two kids, all very nice. Ann assured me that if I ever needed a place to crash, or if I wanted to move out of the shearing complex, I could stay in their spare room rent free, which was so generous and out of the blue that I almost couldn’t believe it. She’s the sweetest sort of grandmotherly-type lady, and I think she misses having her daughters at home to fuss over. I told her a bit about how I thought we Americans are sort of naturally suspicious of people’s intentions, and how I’d been caught off guard a bit by the Kiwi’s “I’ll go ten miles out of my way to lend a hand” attitude, and she laughed and said that she thought it had more to do with living in Dannevirke out in the backwoods of the North Island, as it were, and that everyone just knew everyone else, so when a stranger popped in it was pretty exciting. But they dropped me off at the complex that afternoon with a repeat offer of a room if I wanted one, and I said I’d be in touch.

Oh, and another thing about Sunday; the reading was the bit about not worrying about what you’ll eat or wear, and the birds of the air and the grass of the field etcetera, which made me smile because the verse at the end, “do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself” had been running around in my head all week as I worried about where my next job would be. Thanks for the heads up, Big Guy.

So Monday was rainy, which meant no work, as the shearers won’t shear wet sheep because the lanolin in the wool combined with moisture can give you boils, which, I gather, aren’t too much fun. Still, I think I would have taken the boils over the work we did from 6am to 5pm on Tuesday and Wednesday, which was crutching (shearing the wool around the back end of the sheep to clean them up before the REAL shear) about 4000 lambs, seventy-five percent of which had flystryke, which means they were covered in maggots. My stomach’s turning now just thinking about the smell. Sufficed to say, it was not pleasant, and combined with my once-monthly superhuman sense of smell, I thought I’d really have to call it quits by noon on the second day. I made it through, though, and that night I dreamt about maggots and didn’t get a whole lot of sleep.

Thursday, or rather, yesterday, dawned rainy again, so no work, which was just as well as I was laid up in bed most of the day with a stomach ache. I figured it was the aftereffects of the day before, but it kept getting worse and worse until by 9pm I couldn’t stand for more than a few minutes without feeling like I was gonna keel over. This meant I missed out on the only opportunity to go with the guys to the Golden Shears competition, which is the grand nationals of shearing competitions, and I was pretty bummed out. I felt a bit more lucky, though, when the van that had left came back at 10:30pm with Lewis having driven pretty darn drunk the whole way back, so I’m nudged into believing my stomach ache had a bit of purpose to it.

I woke up this morning still not feeling top notch, but my stomach’s a lot better now, and I even went for a short walk this afternoon and had two small bowls of oatmeal. No work today, tomorrow or Sunday, it seems, while the Golden Shears is going on, so Wednesday turned out to be my last day of work without my even knowing it! Good thing I got a couple of pictures, which I’ll try to put up soon.

Tomorrow is the last day of the Golden Shears, and I’d really like to go, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to swing a ride there, and a ride back with someone who isn’t “pissed” as the expression is here, is even less likely, and so I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll be able to see it at all. I really want to, but I guess this may be something that I’ll have to miss and hope that I’ll have another opportunity someday.

And now for future plans: On Sunday Ann and Murray are picking me up for church, along with all my stuff, and I’m moving out of the complex into their place in town for a few days now that my stint at PMS is over. I’m meeting with the owners of that dairy farm I mentioned on Monday to talk things over, so we’ll see where that goes, and if it doesn’t go anywhere I’ve already had two offers from people at church with possible positions, so there’ll be that to check into as well.

Part of me is itching to get on the road again (I know, I know, wasn’t I just saying I was tired of living out of bags?) and head down to the South Island, but hey, I have all the time I want for that, so I may as well just cool my wanderlust for a bit. In the meantime, I have to recuperate from this stomach virus, so I’m glad to have a nice place like Dannevirke to rest up.

Possibilities

2011-02-24T21:08:00.000-08:00

2-25

Woo today has been a good day! I swear, when you just open up to possibilities and tell the universe what you want and trust that there’s Someone up there looking out for you, things start to happen.

Granted, I’m counting my chickens before I cross the bridge, or however the Nesses mangle that saying, but I’m feeling good about things, and here’s why.

Remember that guy I met in the coffee shop where I had breakfast last Sunday? Well I went back there for lunch today because I had the day off and decided to spend the day in town. I went back for lunch and he remembered me and we talked a bit as he made me my fish and chips, which is my favorite meal when I’m in British-type countries. He said that he’d be glad to introduce me to one of the farmers he knew, and if I came back at four o’clock he’d drive me out to the farm so I could see the place. I’m still not used to people being so friendly, and so I’m cautious of even good-hearted intentions like his seemed to be, but I said ‘what the heck’ and decided to give it a shot. He asked me what my name was, as we hadn’t properly introduced ourselves before, and I told him and he said his name was Cor, and that he’s from the Netherlands, which we talked about for a bit.

So I spent the afternoon at the library catching up with the family via Skype, and then came back at 4pm as Cor was closing up the place. He’d been talking about how he had three business ventures in New Zealand since he came several years ago, and I figured one was the café, one was his dairy farm, and he asked if I wanted to see the third one since that was where his car was parked anyway. Turns out the third thing he does is build coffins! I was slightly creeped out at first, I’ll admit. I immediately thought “Lyss would love this guy. A Scandinavian farmer who builds coffins.” They were beautiful, though, and made of all kinds of wood, and in all sizes. Anyway, after I’d ooed and ahed a bit we took off down the road from Dannevirke towards Palmerston North and went for about ten minutes before coming to the milking parlor. As we drove Cor told me that the farmer owned two farms; this one and one near Woodville, and that one of his men had given his two weeks notice recently and another had just had an accident with a truck gate falling on his foot (don’t worry, the labor union was there and decided the farm had no fault in the matter, it was just bad luck), so they needed an extra pair of hands. I met the farmer’s wife first, who was doing the afternoon milking, and we talked a bit about what they needed and what I needed, and then we exchanged numbers. She seems very nice and capable and I said I’d call her in a few days as soon as I knew what my last day at PMS would be. Next I met her husband who was mixing feed for the cows (the cows graze year round but are supplemented with things like coconut oil husks and grape skins from the vineyards) and we talked for about five seconds as he was really busy, and he said that he wanted to talk more to see if we were a good fit, as he didn’t want me coming somewhere I’d be unhappy and they couldn’t afford to hire someone without decent knowledge of farms and such, and so I said again that I’d call in a few days and we’d talk some more, but that I was looking for something temporary and that provided housing and would be glad to give them a hand.

And then Cor drove me back to town and we talked about how he’d lived in Bolivia for a while, and how he’d been an ambassador there for the Netherlands, and about cows and farming and all kinds of things. When we got back I said I’d most likely see him on Sunday morning for breakfast again, and he said that would be just fine, and I should see if I could bring Rodrigo around to speak Spanish with him sometime, and I said I would.

All in all, a very successful day, I think. Granted, I don’t have the job yet, or even know if it’s the RIGHT job, but I feel like these kinds of things fall into your lap for a reason, and there are too many good coincidences happening for them to be coincidences. It sounds like a door opening, to me, and I think I’m gonna put my best foot forward and see what happens. Wish me luck!

Journal 3

2011-02-23T22:44:00.000-08:00

2-22

Someone actually found my Yank accent attractive today! This is a big deal, guys! Everyone’s laughed at it whenever I open my mouth, so this is a big step! I’m feelin’ good about it.

And there have been a million and one things I’ve been meaning to say in a blog post, and now of course they’re all gone. Let’s see. Well, if you happened to look at my Twitter feed last week you’ll have noticed that New Zealand taught me not to eat strange fruit even when it looks familiar (a lesson I obviously should have learned sooner). What happened was that I was on a walk and saw a tree with golden cherries on it. It was very Narnia-esqe. Anyway, I thought to myself that they looked so much like cherries they must indeed BE cherries, even though they were golden instead of red, so I tasted one and since it tasted good I ate the whole thing. Two hours later my throat was closing up and my stomach was twisted in knots. It was quite discomfiting. But I slept it off and the next day I was fine again.

Yesterday I learned another lesson from the great land of Aotearoa, vis, always take your camera when you go for a walk or bike, even if you don’t think you’ll need it. I missed an opportunity to get the sun putting rays through the clouds over the mountain range behind the complex. Major bummer.

But speaking of biking, I’m now partially independently mobile! I asked the Boss if he knew where I could get a bike, and he said he had one that he never used which I could borrow. It’s turned out to be a mountain bike with spectacularly low handlebars and a crooked front wheel, but it gets me up and down the hills here and provides me a way into town when I want to go and everyone at the complex has had one too many beers to drive.

Work has been going fine here, and I even got to try my hand at making a couple of blows (what you call a stroke with the clippers) on a sheep myself before I was reprimanded for flicking the clippers outward and cutting too far away from the skin. But hey, it was my first try, so good on me, I think. Wool handling has become easier, but I still hate being pared up with certain shearers. Uncle Ben, for one, is constantly cursing the sheep and will step on one of their legs hard if they wiggle too much. Not a pleasant shearer to work with. Sean, on the other hand, who is yet another Maori guy distantly related to the Boss, is great fun and will talk to you while you’re working and almost never cuts a sheep.

I’m also getting more used to life at the Complex. We haven’t had any more rowdy nights since my last post, which has made me less nervous about things. I’ve also decided that I’m going to be working here through the first weekend of March, which is the Golden Shears Shearing Competition, and then I’ll head off to my next job. Granted, I don’t know where that will be yet, but I have a few good ideas. One thing that this shearing contracting job has taught me is that I’d rather work on a farm and be involved in the day to day tasks than just going to one, shearing, and heading back home again. So that’s something learned.

And another thing I learned about today, which some of you may know about, and which really saddens me, is the death of Bjorn Norgaard. He died in a skiing accident recently, and even though we were never really close at school I had classes with him all through high school, and I know he was a great guy. Very funny, laid back and a very nice person to be around. I’ve been thinking a lot about him and his family today. I hope those of you in Northfield can help them through this, and I’ll be praying for them as well.

And as if one disaster per day wasn’t bad enough, there was another earthquake in Christchurch today, which is a town on the South Island. I didn’t feel anything up here, but I’m pretty sure the two islands are on different tectonic plates. I haven’t heard much about it, except that it may have been worse than the previous one, and many buildings have been destroyed. I was hoping to go down and see how the city was doing on my trip around the South Island, but now that this has happened I feel a bit of a tug towards going there to see if I can help rebuild. I don’t have any building skills, obviously, but I feel like helping hands in a disaster area can always be put to some use. More to come on these developments, I hope.

Anyway, I didn’t mean to end this post on a downer, but that seems to be the way it is. I’ve been a bit sad all day about everything, but I’m confident things will be alright. Until next time, I hope all of you are doing well, and I miss you.

2-24

Well, I’ve been a week in the shearing sheds already. And I’ve learned, over this week of waking up around 4:45 every morning, that I can fall asleep sitting up as easily as lying down! Woohoo!

I’ve also found out what a crazy sweet tooth I have. I find this out every time I live somewhere that’s not within walking distance of a corner store. At about 10pm every night I crave chocolate, and if I buy it now in preparation for the nightly craving I just eat it all too fast ‘cause it’s sitting around! Terrible.

And I’ve found that I really miss having access to the news when I want it. Basically everything I know about the world has gotten to me in hourly news broadcasts over the radio at work, which you can hardly hear over the shearing machines. Lately all the news has been about Christchurch, obviously, and so far as I can tell there’ve been 75 people killed and around 300 currently missing. I’ve been listening every time they talk about relief efforts, but it sounds like the only thing I’d really be qualified to do if I went down there is to help the college kids clean up debris, and they’re already restricting numbers because they have too many volunteers. I did donate three dollars via a Vodafone text initiative, though!

Anyway, I feel like I have a lot of anthropological things to say about New Zealand, like more lingo talk, and my frustration with the macho, patriarchal attitude of the rural folks, but I’m not in the mood just now, so bear with me and I’ll try to have a better update next time!

Journal 2

2011-02-20T16:52:00.000-08:00

2-20

Well, today’s Sunday and I got up at 9 (what a long sleep! haha) and saw that Lewis, who’s our driver of sorts, was getting ready to go into town, so I put on my nicest shirt and a pair of jeans and hopped on for a ride to church. I got into town at 9:30 and I knew that the one church I’d seen on the main street didn’t start until 10, so I stopped into a café on the way and had some eggs and toast for breakfast. The owner of the place came to the counter and asked what I’d like, and when I said “is it possible to just get eggs and toast?” he laughed a bit at my American accent and said yes, it was. He was a tidy looking man with thin rimmed glasses and a checkered shirt and a bit of a snooty look which I kind of distrusted at first, but he seemed nice enough. Here’s how our conversation went as he was scrambling the eggs:

Him: So what brings you into Dannevirke?

Me: Well I’m working at PM Shearing, and I came in for some breakfast and church.

Him: (Raising his eyebrows) Paewai Shearing? My advice to you, girl, is to get outa that as soon as you can.

Me: Yeah? Why’d you say that?

Him: It’s a cesspool of drunks, girl! Granted, you get that with a lot of shearers, but Paewai’s one of the worst I’ve heard.

Me: Yeah, I found that out as soon as I got there. I’ve been making due, but I don’t drink much.

Him: Well how long’re you there for?

Me: Through the first weekend of March for the Golden Shears competition. Then I think I’ll find another place.

Him: You know a lot about sheep?

Me: No, I’m just learning. I worked at a dairy farm back in the States.

Him: Oh yeah? I’m a dairy farmer myself. Do you have another job lined up?

Me: Nope, not yet.

Him: Well stop back in here, girl, and talk with me and I’ll see if I can get you set up somewhere. If I don’t need help I’ll know someone who does. All the diary farmers are coming to the end of the busy season, so they’re letting their hired fellas off for a holiday and they need some temporary work.

Me: Sounds perfect! I’ll be sure to come in again soon!

So that was my breakfast conversation, and it made me pretty happy. All except for him being so down on PMS, which made me feel kind of sad.

I finished up my eggs and toast, which was delicious, and headed off down the street to St. John the Baptist Anglican Church, which was a big white church with a bell in the top. I dig church bells. I’d been to Anglican services in Scotland before, so I had some idea of what to expect, vis, a sort of mixed Catholic, Lutheran and Pentacostal service. Sure enough, I knew the first hymn we sang from St. John’s at home and the second one from Victory, the nondenominational church where we went when I was really small. Instead of a sermon today they had a testimony from a woman from the congregation, and it was really interesting and hit a couple of chords in me. Of course, with the familiar hymns and all the nice looking people and the quiet beauty of the church I started crying like a complete dummy, and couldn’t seem to stop. I was the most homesick I’ve been since getting here. I eventually got up to go find some kleenex and when I got to the back of the church there was a lady getting ready to help with the offering and she asked if I was ok. I said I was, but that I needed a tissue, and she walked me around to the church office and found me some and we talked for a little bit about the US and why I was here, and places she’d been, and how this service was unusual for them as they usually had the normal hymns-lessons-sermon-communion sort of thing. By the time we got back into church I’d calmed down a bit, and she gave me a hug and said she hoped to see me again next week, and I said she probably would. I went back and sat down in my pew and then went up to communion and almost started crying again, but got everything under control until the end of the service.

I don’t know exactly why I got so emotional, except that I felt really homesick, and being surrounded by so much love all of a sudden hit me sideways. Hopefully it won’t happen again next week, but it’s nice to know that I have a place once a week where I can feel that way.

Also! The minute the pastor (or vicar? Or father? I don’t remember what Anglican pastors are called) started speaking I almost jumped ‘cause he sounded American! Turns out he’s from Canada, and was glad to know a fellow Northerner. He also introduced me to a sheep farmer in the congregation when he heard what I was up to, and the farmer said he’d let me know if he needed any help. Kiwi’s are nice to begin with, and then you meet church-going Kiwis and you just about get bowled over by their helpfulness, haha!

So that was my Sunday experience in Dannevirke. I’m not sure what I’m gonna do with the rest of the day. Maybe go for a hike.

Journal 1

2011-02-18T23:19:00.000-08:00

Well, this blog was really supposed to be more like a diary than a log book, so I’m starting a few journal-esqe entries to give my real feelings about things instead of just giving you guys my itinerary and then occasionally freaking out. This format also works better right now when I only have internet sporadically because I can write these up on my computer and then zip-drive them over to the station’s computer to upload them without using my computer time!

2-19

Alright, so I guess I should set the scene before running off on a whole bunch of stories. I’m currently living at the station complex of Paewai Mullins Shearing, known affectionately as PMS. I really don’t know where the “Paewai” part of the name comes from, but Mullins is the Boss’ last name, and the company has been in the family (which is pretty heavily Maori) for three or four generations. The current Boss’ name is Punga. He’s about 28, with a wife and new baby daughter (by the way, wives are called “the missus” by everyone around these parts. I’m not sure if I think it’s cute or patronizing) and he’s what Kiwis call a “boy racer,” meaning he’s pretty into Western car culture and appears to think he’s a gangsta of sorts. He’s really funny, though, and I like him. I live here in the complex with Tina, the manager, a small, quiet woman; her daughter Abby, a spitfire chick who’s around my age and will drink you under the table and then ask if your unresponsive corpse would like to fight; Lewis, a nice guy in his late 30’s who’s pretty quiet except when he’s drunk; and Rodrigo, who’s about 25, I’d guess, and came over from Chile to learn more about sheep, like me! When it’s just the five of us here things are pretty chill, but when anyone else stops in things can get rowdy, and I tend to hole up in my room. The worst offender in these carousings is a character named Uncle Ben, who’s pretty loud to begin with, and then becomes a really frustrating and annoyingly drunk every day around 8pm. Uncle Ben is, of course, SOMEBODY’S uncle, but I have no idea who’s, as everyone’s related by blood or by marriage except me and Rodrigo, and it’s hard to keep all the family trees straight. But the devotion to drinking seems to be a universal trait with this group, no matter which way they’re related.

Drinking starts the minute shearing gets done. As soon as the clippers turn off and all of the wool is bagged up and we start heading out, the lead manager for the day will pull out a case of Tui, the favored local beer, and hand everyone a bottle. This would be a really nice ritual if it didn’t mean that there was a case of beer being consumed on the way home, so that by the time we get back people are in a pretty fine mood and decide to stick around the complex to talk and drink some more. Again, this would be somewhat ok if we got done around dinner time every day, but sometimes we get done at 2 or 3pm, and then it just seems like people are drinking nonstop until they fall asleep six or seven hours later. And when they’re not sleeping, everyone’s smoking. I’m the only non-smoker in the company, apparently. And the younger generation also partakes pretty heavily in smoking marijuana, so if it’s not one thing, it’s another.

I don’t mean to sound so hard on them. Really, they’re very nice people, but for someone who’s used to being able to take partying, drugs and drinking or leave it, it’s hard to be around it 24-7.

Two real blessings about this place, though, are the fact that I have my own room (which is wood paneled and reminds me of Grandma Hartke’s basement) and that the countryside is beautiful. Both my room and the outdoors have become my refuge, as is usual for me when I go somewhere new. I’ve been taking long walks after work, since it’s summer here and the sun doesn’t go down until around 9, and I’m awed by the picturesque-ness of the rolling green hills, grazing cows, sheep, butterflies, mountains in the distance, waving grasses, brilliant sunshine, sky as blue as I’ve ever seen it… It makes me feel good when I’m down.

So now you’ve got a bit of the feeling of things, here’s how my first three days of sheep-wrangling have gone down.

My official position in the company is as a junior wool handler. What this means is that I’m the person who gets the wool out of the way of the shearer, separates the good wool from the not-so-good wool, and then bags it up to be pressed. It helps to think of the shearing floor as stations in an assembly line, with everyone working together like cogs. On the top of the totem pole you have the shearer, and there may be any number of them depending on how man shearing engines the farmer has in his shear shed. The shearer grabs a sheep out of the waiting pen and flips it so it’s sitting on its rump and shears all the wool off it in a very precise pattern of strokes. When the sheep is done they shove it through a sort of doggie door to an outside pen. While the shearer is doing what they do best, the wool handler (there is one assigned to every shearer, usually) is pulling the good wool (A wool) away in one direction and the dirty or marked wool (B wool) off in another direction with their “broom,” which is actually a broom handle with a special piece of plastic at the end that catches wool better than bristles would do. Then the pressers (usually between 1 and 3 people) grab the A wool and put it in a large bin with a bag in it and stuff it down like you do when you’re raking leaves. They do this until they can’t get any more in, and then they use a giant pressing machine to compress the wool into a sort of bale, which them pops out of the presser and they label the bag with the kind of wool, the name of the farm, and the number of the bag. Viola! The wool is then taken by the farmer to wherever they have it processed, and our part in the equation is over.

On Thursday, my first day, the Boss put me on the shearing gang with the latest start; 8:45am. It was just a sort of introduction for me that day as we had 3 shearers and only about 200 sheep, so it only took about two hours not including the driving time to and from the farm. Friday was a longer day. We started out at 5:15am and drove to a farm about an hour and a half away, which is on the outside limit of PMS’s radius, and did something like 800 sheep with four shearers in about six hours. Today was Saturday, and I was on the gang that started out at 5:45, and we didn’t have to go as far, which was nice. Today I think we did about 400 sheep with two shearers in about six hours.

And tomorrow is Sunday, and that means a day off. If I could, I’d use the day to go to the library in town where internet is only 3 dollars per hour and do some internet stuff, but as the library’s closed I may go fishing with Rodrigo. Probably better for me anyway. :-)

I do miss my family and friends, though. Nights are lonely when you’re sitting in your room reading, listening to people getting drunk and rowdy outside. I could go get rowdy with them, I guess, but I honestly have no desire to. I’ll have a beer socially with them when we’re done working, but the fact is that I just don’t like the taste of the stuff, and the idea of being out of it all the time just doesn’t appeal. I miss Northfield, where I could spend my night listening to music with Gabe, or watching movies with the Nesses, or goofing off with Maddie and Julia. I know I was dying of boredom while I was there, in some ways, but sitting here now I appreciate my family and friend’s ability to have fun with each other without having to resort to artificial ingredients.

Ah well, that’s enough for tonight. I’ll probably end up writing more tomorrow, and we’ll see when I get a chance to post it. Until later, everyone!

P.S. I finally got a NZ phone that works everywhere (my US phone with a NZ sim card only worked in major cities) so now I'll be able to Tweet and text from the station here, which makes me feel a lot better. Hooray!

First And Second Impressions of PM Shearing

2011-02-15T22:13:00.000-08:00

Ok, this is going to be a super quick post because I don't have much internet time.

So I was picked up by the boss' wife and baby daughter (very nice and cute respectively) in Palmerston North, and then we drove to Dannevirk where they live, and then about five minutes out into the country where the shearing station is. I was introduced to Tina, the woman who manages the place, and she showed me around the kitchen, laundry, bathrooms, etc. (the place is a bit run down, but that's seems to just be how things look on farms) and then I got my room, which was sparse, to say the least.

I didn't know that I needed sheets or anything, but I figured I could make due with my sleeping bag for a night until I could get into town.

Anyway, all this newness, and not knowing anyone, and finding myself in a place where I felt like I wasn't prepared (as well as not having access to internet or a working phone) freaked me out a bit. I kind of wanted to cry, I'll admit.

Instead, I took a chill pill and decided to go for a walk. Just moving really helps me when I'm panicky. I began to walk towards town with some crazy idea that I'd just walk there and pick up sheets and come back before the Boss got in at 6. Not a very logical plan, but it got me moving with purpose, which also helped. Then, as I walked, I began to think of all the positive things that I DID have. I mean, I had food, I had a sleeping bag and a tent. I had two good feet that had carried me over mountains yesterday, and sturdy boots on top of that. And I'm strong enough to overcome fear that only exists in my head.

I turned and walked back to the station, and by the time I got back I'd calmed down quite a bit. The first thing I saw when I came in was Tina who wanted to introduce me to Lewis, who drives people to town when they need it. Lewis is quiet but seems nice, and he drove me in and I got sheets and a pillow, as well as a bit more food.

I came back, I ate, and I sat around and had a beer with the other shearers (there are five of us who live here now, and several more who have their own places) who told me more about the place.

It's been kind of a panicky day, but on the whole I think I survived it well. The thing I need to remember most is to get out of my head and SEE things for what they really are. When I walked into my room in the bunk house my brain saw an empty room with a pretty gross looking mattress, and my cell phone telling me there was no signal, and I freaked out. What I see now, with my eyes and my heart, is a group of pretty cool people, eeking out a rugged but satisfying life in a pastured valley in New Zealand.

I start training/work tomorrow, and I'm excited about it. The Boss has also said he's going to try to get me a deal on a cheap cell phone and plan that works around here, as I've found that Vodaphone, the company I'm with now, only has service in major cities, and he uses our cell phones to tell us which jobs to go to.

Wish me luck on my first day sheep wranglin'! I hope I'm a fast learner!

Just A Few Quick Pics From Taupo/Tongariro National Park

2011-02-15T01:34:00.001-08:00

Boiling mud in Rotorua. Weird!

A waterfall on the way to Taupo. Look how blue the water is!

The still active volcano used as Mt. Doom in Lord of the Rings in Tongariro National Park!

What the first half hour (easy) part of my 4.5 hour hike in the National Park looked like...

It took me two hours to make it, but I got to Tupapakurua Falls!

And on the way back there was a log where backpackers who made it there wrote their names...

So I put mine in too. :-)

Rest

2011-02-13T01:34:00.000-08:00

Well, as most of you already know, I got a pretty miserable cold about five days ago, and I've been holed up in Rotorua trying to get better. But here's the update since Raglan:

On my second surf lesson I did finally stand up on a few waves, and it was AWESOME. There's a moment when you catch the right wave, you get into position and feel the perfect balance, and everything's just right. It feels like magic. I can understand why people spend so much time doing it! But honestly, I don't think I'm cut out to be a hard core surfer. Once in a while is fun, but my ears get plugged too easily, and I'm not THAT fond of getting smashed in the face with salt water repeatedly. :-)

Anyway, I woke up on Thursday morning feeling pretty terrible, but I got on the bus and we headed to Maketu by way of the Waitomo Caves. By the time we got to the caves at around 11am I was miserable, with my eyes and nose running constantly and sneezing all the time. Instead of aggravating my mild claustrophobia by heading into damp caves I spent a few hours in a coffee shop drinking ridiculous amounts of herbal tea, which helped a little.

Then on to Maketu (I honestly don't remember much of the bus ride) where we were welcomed on to a Maori marae, which is sacred land with (usually) two buildings on it; a house for eating and cooking, and a house for celebrations and ceremonies and sleeping. We ate a delicious dinner of peas, potatoes, bread stuffing, lamb (I didn't eat it but I heard it was good), and squash. Then we went inside the meeting house and went through the welcoming ceremony, which is quite interesting to behold. Basically, the warriors of the hosting tribe challenge the invading tribe (that would be us) to see whether they come in war or peace. It was super cool.

Afterward they showed us some Maori dances and songs, and they taught the guys the Haka, or war dance, and they taught the girls the Poi, which is another sort of dance. I wasn't too good at it, but it was fun to learn!

Here's our group photo with some of us in Maori clothes!

And then we all got out stuffed mattresses and bedded down on the floor of the meeting house for the night. Despite my being sick as a dog, it was kind of fun to all sleep on the floor in a big room. It felt like old time log cabin days, or living in a long house on the plains.

But I was even more sick when I woke up the next morning, and I knew I couldn't stand another full day on the bus feeling like I did. Plus, who wants to sit on a bus next to someone sneezing and coughing for hours? So I jumped off in Rotorua, got a hotel and settled in to hibernate for a few days, and here I've been ever since!

Rotorua, for those that don't know, is the geothermal capitol of New Zealand, and there are geysers and hot mud pools everywhere, even outside my hotel room window!

So there's nothing to report, really, for the last few days. Just a lot of me, laying in bed, watching tv on the internet (OMG, UNLIMITED INTERNET!), and blowing my nose. I'm feeling a lot better now, though! I'm going to be taking the bus out of Rotorua to Taupo and Whakahoro tomorrow and then after a few days there I'll be getting to Bulls and Palmerston North, where I'll hopefully be picked up for my new job!

Right now, though, I'm feeling kind of homesick. This is partly, I think, because I've had time to think about it, and partly because I'm on that homesick part of the culture shock sine wave, right after the "oh my gosh I can't believe I'm here and everything is so cool!" high. I miss my bed, and my house, and the familiarity of Northfield and having more than five shirts. And my family, of course. But I'm ok, and things will get exciting again, and I'll soon be at my new job (I hope) and then I won't be living out of bags like this.

So, until next time, crew!

Auckland To Hahei To Raglan

2011-02-07T23:06:00.000-08:00

Alright everyone, my arms are about to fall off from sea kayaking yesterday and my first surf lesson today, so this post is gonna be mostly pictures. Deal with it! ;-D

I got on the Stray bus in Auckland on Monday morning, and we proceeded to Mount Eden, which is the highest point in Auckland. Here's the view, and a cool map-type-thing they have at the top pointing to different places.

Home is just around the corner!

And speaking of feeling like home, guess what the first crop I saw outside the city was?

But not to worry. We were soon out into the proper NZ countryside and over the Coromandel Mountains for a view of Hahei (pronounced hah-HEY).

After arriving at our hostel/campsite, we went down to the beach and I went sea kayaking with four other people from my group. It was so fun, but hard on the arms! We went to Cathedral Cove, which I can honestly say is the most beautiful place I think I've ever seen in person.

We also paddled out to a couple of small islands with caves through them which we went through, but I was too scared of dropping my camera in the water to take pictures. The water was so clear you could look down through the coral and sea weed to see schools of fish swimming below you! It was amazing.

Then we had dinner (I've been eating peanut butter, bread and apricots for the past two days. Delicious, but getting a little old) and went to bed.

This morning we got up, drove from Hahei back over the mountains and across to the other side of the North Island, waking up facing the Pacific and tonight we fall asleep looking at the Tasman Sea. On the way we stopped by Paeroa, the town with bubbly springs where New Zealand's national drink used to be made (before being bought out by The Man, aka Coca-Cola). I had some, which is still made from Paeroa bubbly water and lemon, and it was quite good!

Then we went on to Raglan, the world famous surfing town where "The Endless Summer" was filmed. It's famous partly for it's fairly constant waves, but also for it's left hand surf break, which means that the waves break around a peninsula which allows the waves to travel for longer without breaking.

This afternoon, I had my first surf lesson. Let's just say that the surf school gets 90% of people standing on their first day out, and I was not one of those 90%. Today I became aware of my flimsy upper body strength and pretty much non-existent sense of balance. But I have not been thwarted! Tomorrow I WILL stand, and I will catch a nice wave. I will ride that board if it kills me.

Or maybe not kills me. Maybe just maims me until I can't stand anymore.

Thankfully I have a peaceful place to rest my head tonight, in preparation for another day in the waves, which is seriously the best workout I can think of. Here's the view from my room:

Weekend On Waiheke

2011-02-06T00:53:00.001-08:00

Well, I can cross off one goal on my list!

Waiheke was as beautiful as they say, but I also see now why most people tell you not to go on weekends in the summertime. I was drowning in tourists the whole time I was there! But even that couldn't dampen the beauty of the place.

On the ferry over I got a nice glimpse of the city from the water:

And I love ferries! On the ride back I was thinking how cool it would be to get a job on a ship after I get done throwing sheep around. We shall see!

The first thing I did when I got to Waiheke was take the bus to Hekerua Lodge, where I set up my campsite and said hello to the owners, who had apparently just purchased the place from an older couple just three days ago. I'm not at all exaggerating when I say that Thomas, the guy who now runs the place, could be Heath Ledger's twin brother. Julia, if you're reading this, just know that he has an Australian accent and looks JUST like Heath in 10 Things. It was a little bit eery. Anyway, I set up and set out across the island by bus, making it to Onetangi beach by the middle of the afternoon.

There I baptized myself in the waters of the South Pacific, and applied sunscreen like crazy, but still got burnt. Only my shoulders, though, which is of course what I need to carry my pack with. Such is life.

But you wouldn't believe the number and kinds of shells on this island! When Maddie and Julia and I go to the beach in California, we're lucky if we find a muscle shell unbroken, whereas here, there are tiny conch shells everywhere!

After a day of exploring I went back to the lodge and met Dominique, Frederika and David, from Switzerland, Germany and New Caledonia respectively. We got a couple bottles of New Zealand wine and headed out to a nearby park to watch the sun set. Only later did we realize the name of the park!

I'm so cool, they name things after me in foreign countries. This park also had some pretty cool Maori stones that I took multiple pictures of. You can see my new friends in the background there.
On the way back to camp we stopped in at a pub on the water I got a picture of all the boats in the dark.

This is what it looked like in the daytime.

Then, to bed. I woke up this morning, spent some more time on the beach, and then headed back to Auckland because my Stray bus leaves early tomorrow morning. We're headed for Hahei tomorrow, and then we'll get to Raglan the next night, which is where I'm going to learn to surf! Just crossing off those goals like nobody's business!

Anyway, here's a picture of me waiting for the ferry to go back to Auckland. I wanted to get it from my point of view so you could see what I'm seeing, but it may have come out a little strange as it seems to be framed between my legs...

And lastly, here's my goodbye to Auckland photo. I went for a walk in Albert Park this evening and found a crooked lantern. Reminded me of a tropical Narnia. And it gives you a sense of the way things are in New Zealand: a little topsey-turvey.

Day Out

2011-02-03T21:45:00.001-08:00

Well, if all goes to plan, today was my last full day in Auckland for a while. I got up this morning, got a green tea smoothie, and headed out with some mates from the hostel for a quick free tour of the city. We started out by going over to Sky Tower, which most people know as the sort of space-needle-y thing in the middle of Auckland. Here you can see it from a bridge I was on later in the day.

One of the big things to do at Sky Tour, apparently, is to base-jump off of it, so a couple of kids did that, and then we headed on to a point about five miles away from the city where you could look back and take pictures. It was in a really pretty green park, and the wind was blowing and you could smell the sea, and I felt for the first time as if I was really in NEW ZEALAND, rather than just a big city. For me, most big cities are the same no matter what country they’re in. Anyway, from there we went down to the docks and saw where the ferries leave and where to catch the whale watching boats. Apparently the bay is so chock full of marine life that there’s a 99% chance of seeing dolphins and a 75% chance of seeing whales, and if you DON’T see either of these they give you your money back! While we were in the harbor I caught site of THIS awesome guy. Well really, how could you miss him?

No idea what he was there for.

Then to lunch at a cute pub (I had the classic fish and chips) and then to our final stop, the Bay Bridge. According to our guide, this is New Zealand’s cheapest place to bungy jump, so four different kids got kitted up and the rest of us put on our harnesses and hard hats and went for a walk under the bridge out over the water. Here’s me waiting for the jumpers to come down.

For a minute I almost changed my mind and decided to try to jump, but when I saw the first guy balk at the end of the plank I knew there was no way I’d be able to get up the courage. At least not today. Anyway, here’s one of the guys jumping off…

…and from below…

So that was my day out in Auckland!

Tomorrow morning I’m taking the ferry over to Waiheke Island where I’m going to spend the weekend exploring and chilling out on the beach. I found that the cheapest way to stay overnight is to camp (as I’d expected), so I’ll be staying at a beach campsite tomorrow night and possibly Sunday night. Then I ferry back over here early Monday morning and hopefully set out for Raglan, the best surfing spot in the country, to learn how to surf! We’ll see if this all pans out.

What I did discover today was that it would be worth it for me to invest in a Stray Bus pass, which is a bus company like the one I took around the highlands in Scotland. They take you to different cool locations and they have a bus driver who doubles as a tour guide. The bus is hop-on-hop-off, and it’s unlimited rides for a year for 620 NZD, which is totally worth it since it goes to all the major cities from Auckland to Wanaka, and if I want to go farther North or South than that I just pay a tiny bit extra. There ARE two other bus companies like this in NZ; Magic Bus and Kiwi Experience. I’ve heard, though, that Kiwi Experience is basically a city-to-city non-stop bar crawl, and that Magic rushes through things so it’s only good if you have a very short amount of time. Stray, on the other hand, takes it slower and concentrates on hiking and the National parks, which I’m down with. So, given all this, I shall be spending a large chunk of money on one of these handy passes tomorrow.

Mostly I’m excited to get out of Auckland to this brilliant island called Waiheke, which Kiwis say is the chillest place in the country. And this, coming from a Kiwi, means a lot. I probably won’t have internet out there, so I suppose I’ll update you all again on Monday or so!

Later!

I'm Still Here!

2011-02-02T13:01:00.000-08:00

Kia ora, everyone!

Well, as I thought, I didn't quite believe this was real until I woke up this morning and was still here. I woke up all sweaty, which was unpleasant (I'm on the 6th floor of the hostel in a tiny room with no ventilation and no windows), but I got 12 hours of sleep and woke up at 9, so I feel like I'm on Kiwi time already!

So, here are a few more notes:
-I sent my T-Mobile SIM card through the wash accidentally yesterday, and it's now gone forever, along with all my numbers. I can only blame this on jet-lag, as I would never usually do something like that. It's a bummer, but the upshot is that if you can send me your phone numbers via email it would be much appreciated in case I need to call from my NZ number while I'm here.
-I wondered at first why New Zealand was called "The Land of the Long White Cloud," but it all started to make sense when I saw it from the plane yesterday and everything looked like it was covered in cotton. It seems that it's cloudy here until about 10 or 10:30 in the morning, and then it clears off and is sunny all day. It's nice!
-I LOVE the crosswalks here! All traffic stops for pedestrians at the same time for 30 seconds, so you can cross either side of the street, or even diagonally without being hit. It's a brilliant system.
-I'm worrying about money already because after scrimping and saving for 6 months I'm now spending without any income, and purchasing anything is freaking PAINFUL. I had to spend 200 dollars yesterday just getting set up here (food, deposit for my room, pair of shorts, internet, locks and straps for my luggage, etc), and I'm not very happy about it. BUT
- I went to a Kiwi grocery store for the first time and bought some food so I won't have to eat out as much. I love going to grocery stores in new countries and seeing what they have. One thing I really like about NZ is that they have country of origin labeling laws, so everything says where it came from, which, for people like myself who like to try to eat local, is very handy. I got me some NZ apples, cheese, granola bars (which they call muesli bars), and carrots! All local! Awesome.
-I've seen information on so many cool things to do that I'm bursting with ideas. A year may not be long enough, guys...

Anyway, I was so busy and jet-lagged yesterday that I didn't have time to do all the errands I needed to do, so I'm finishing errands and planning today, then doing the Auckland siteseeing bus tomorrow, then Waihiki island on Saturday. Still trying to figure out what to do after that.

And now, a quick intro to Kiwi words and phrases, along with pronunciation:
Kia Ora! = Hello! Pronounced kee-ORA, as one word, with the r flipped slightly.
Maori = The native people of New Zealand. MOW-ree, with the r flipped
Dairy = Convenience store
Brekkie = Breakfast
Chook = Chicken, pronounced chook or chuk
Courgette = Zucchini
Heaps = a lot. Used OFTEN
Nought = used for the number zero.
Zed = used for the letter Z
Sticking plaster = Bandaid
Togs = Swimwear of any kind

But my favorite is still "sweet as!" I plan on introducing this to my lexicon asap. In the meantime, I'm off to do some exploring and running about.

Talk to you later!

First Impressions

2011-02-01T16:56:00.000-08:00

Alright, here's a quick list of impressions/discoveries/thoughts just to get something down on paper (so to speak):

-I didn't think I was too jet lagged until I started feeling weak and dizzy. Probably from lack of sleep, but just in case I had a hamburger from BurgerFuel, which is a prized Kiwi institution! They put weird stuff on them, like eggs and beets. Quite good, though!
-I've been to orientation for my program already, even though I was planning to go on Friday. That's what happens when you get to your hostel at 9am and they won't let you check in 'till 1!
-The plane ride over didn't feel as long as I expected. I watched two programs on New Zealand agriculture, watched 127 Hours (which was pretty good), fell asleep for either 4 or 5 hours (don't know which, the time changes got confusing), woke up and spent the last 2.5 hours looking expectantly out the window. Here's an excerpt from my journal entry I wrote on the plane:
"At LAX we taxied for just about an age, and then we shot out over the Pacific like a cannon ball. Dinner was tortellini, breakfast was fruit and a muffin...I've had two quick moments of panic ABOUT panicking, but they passed quickly. Just before sunrise the sky was bluer than I've ever seen it. I've never seen the ocean this color either, as the Atlantic was always pretty grey. As the sky starts to turn pink and the sun casts rainbows over the wings, I begin my first day in the southern hemisphere..."
-People have GREAT expressions here. It's like everyone's language got stuck in late 1800's British. On the bus I heard someone use the expression "I'm quite chuffed about it." It was awesome. Also, the Kiwi's constantly say "sweet as!" which just means "cool," but it's hilarious when you first hear it because you pause, waiting for the rest of the metaphor.
-I had a terrifying moment where I thought I'd lost my new iPod, but it turned out have somehow fallen to the back of my pack. It was an awful moment.
-I already have a million ideas of where I want to go and what I want to see, and I'm starting NOW! ...ish. Today I signed in for my tax number (the Kiwi ss #), I'm going to open a bank account, and I got a free Vodafone SIM card from a very nice German girl at the airport who was leaving, so I'm gonna activate that. Tomorrow (provided I feel ok) I plan on spending the day checking out Waiheke island, and then on Friday I'm going on the free trip around Auckland, which includes a walk up the huge bridge to a bungy jumping point high above the city! Obviously, I will not be jumping.
-The Kiwi's are a bit behind on internet tech. Wireless is rather scarce, and when you do find it you have to pay for it, or it's very spotty. Right now I'm on at the IEP office (the sponsor of my BUNAC program) and the signal's going in and out. We also apparently have wireless in the lounge of the hostel, but I haven't tried it yet.
-Some newfound facts about NZ: They have the highest concentration of birds to humans in the world; there's a giant hole in the ozone above the islands so the sun can kill you (literally, the rate of skin cancer here is highest in the world. Way to go, polluting countries *cough*US*cough*); being on a "Tiki Tour" means that you're wandering about without any real plan; gas costs $0.52 per gallon!
-I regret not taking a pair of shorts with me. It's hot here!
-Everyone wears sundresses, board shorts, t-shirts and flip-flops (which they call "jandels"). My kind of country!

Anyway, that's enough of that. I'm doing well (despite being jet-lagged. Sorry if this post is totally nonsensical) and I'm happy and excited to be here! It probably won't seem real until I wake up tomorrow morning and I'm still here!

Until later!
Hei konā rā! (goodbye)

The Big Goodbye

2011-01-31T14:08:00.000-08:00

One of the things I've been struggling with in the last two weeks as I've tried to write some kind of mission statement is the tension between plans and spontaneity. I feel as if, since I graduated, I've finally been able to let go of my death grip on the future being the way I want it to be. The best laid plans of mice and men, and all that sort of thing. I'm finally just going with the flow, trusting that whatever I need will come to me when I'm ready for it, and until then I'll have faith and work hard. Yet, juxtapose this with the people in my life who are asking me "what are your goals for the future?" "Where do you see yourself in five years? In ten?"

There's a tension inside me between the person who wants to have a plan, and the person who wants to free-fall.

In the end, I believe that everything happens for a reason; I can trust in my own capability to handle things; I know I have family and friends who will buoy me up when I'm feeling down; I have faith that if I keep my eyes and mind open and am willing to work, I will find more adventures and opportunities than if I tried to lay out a schedule.

On Saturday I attended Renee's Awareness seminar which is based on the work of Mary Rocamora, which is in turn based in a fusion of Eastern and Western principles including Buddhist mediation techniques and Socratic inductive questioning. The seminar was heart and eye opening, and while I was sitting there listening I began to think about a way in which I could live in an open-hearted state which is in love with the goodness in life, even while living in a realistic, task oriented culture that is not always safe.

What I came up with was this:
Goals.

I can have goals in life and in this trip; things I want to accomplish or see or experience, but these things can happen anytime. Whenever I'm ready. Whenever the opportunity presents itself. Whenever I feel the burning desire to strike one off the list. I don't have a plan, for this trip or for the future, but I do have goals. So here are the ones I've written up for my year away in the Land of the Long White Cloud...

Learn how to shear sheep
Learn about Kiwi rotational grazing
Climb to the top of a mountain
Visit Muriwai Beach
Visit Waiheke Island
Go horse trekking
Learn to surf (however poorly)
See a Haka
See the Fjordlands
Go snorkeling in a reef
See the Fox and/or Franz Joseph glaciers
Tramp one of the Great Walks
See the sunrise at Te Araroa
See the seal and penguin colonies near Dunedin
Attend an All Blacks rugby game.

So then the next question I've been asking myself is the one I've been talking so much about: Why am I going on this trip?

There are a few different answers that include "to get away from home," "to challenge myself," "to learn new things and gain experience," "to see a beautiful, one-of-a-kind country," "to find myself and who I really am" (as young adults I think we're ALWAYS thinking we'll find ourselves somewhere else), and the list goes on and on. In the end, I'm going because I feel the call. The call Buck and Thoreau felt for the woods. The call Ishmael and Crusoe felt for the sea. The call of the pilgrim, the wanderer, the vagabond. The call of the road. The call of train tracks running to the horizon.

Since before I can remember I've been called West. West was the direction in which everything lay. Even in Northfield, you have to go West on 19 to get out to the highway, and in my child's mind, once you made it to the highway you could go anywhere. At ten I planned a cross-country drive from Minnesota to California. The first country I can remember yearning for was the Australian Outback. I had a map of Australia on my wall with highlighted routes all over the country. Even the sun goes West. And if I chase the sun far enough, I'll end up back home.

Granted, I don't PLAN on circumnavigating the globe, but then again, I don't plan! If the opportunity presents itself, I may have to add it to my goals. :-)

So given all this, I leave you, friends and family, giant United States of America, with a couple of quotes.

"A journey without challenge has no meaning; one without purpose has no soul."

My destination: New Zealand. My reason: following the call. My purpose: to travel inward as well as outward in search of my path.

"When feelings are tugging at my sleeve
And I answer the call, to follow their pull
I try to remember that feelings are weather
And they can often mislead you.
I know the grass is not greener
So why do I still wanna go see?
It won't be too long before whatever I want
Is replaced by something I need.
The world keeps on spinning
Whether I'm up or I'm falling down
But whatever trip I'm on
I know it won't be long
Before I got my feet on the ground."
-Ellis

The Xena Con

2011-01-30T18:16:00.000-08:00

I just walked out of the last day, and already I miss it. Renee said, while she was on stage today, that nobody understands what Xena fans are all about until they come to the convention, and it's so true. I mean, I've got as much love for Xena as any other fangirl, but you just don't understand the depths to which this TV show affects people, and affects YOU until you're surrounded by this kind of thing. Sure, we all know it was just a show, and a mythical, sometimes ridiculous and cheesy show, but the base of our Xenalove comes from at least three very deep-seated human beliefs and experiences.
1) We all fight darkness inside ourselves and feel the need for redemption. Xena is the pilgrim on a road to absolve herself of all the wrongs she's committed in the past, but on some level she knows she never can. As Steven Sears (one of the writers) said this weekend, there's no way she could do enough good to balance out her bad, but she spends her whole life trying to do the right thing, and the person that keeps her on this path when she stumbles is Gabrielle. Gabrielle is the light to balance Xena's dark. She's the heart while Xena is the intellect. Their balance allows them to show both sides of the human existence, and we relate to that. This is tied to...
2) Our recognition of, and desire for, true love. All though the show's writers tried to make the relationship between Xena and Gabrielle as ambiguous as possible for as long as possible, by the fourth season it's made explicit that they are "soulmates" and leave it at that for the audience to decide for themselves whether this means they were lovers or just perfect partners in all other aspects. Regardless of whether you are a "sub-er" (supporting the idea that Xena and Gabby were together), or a "shipper" (thinking they were soulmates but were actually involved with other characters), all fans agree that what these characters share is something scarce, special, and mountain-moving. We all want to believe that this kind of love exists, and this show gives us hope. If we can dream it, we can be it, right?
3) Finally, this show gives us strength we didn't know we had. Whether it's Xena facing her past and what she did, Gabrielle growing from a girl who hid behind her friend to become a warrior in her own right, or even Joxer realizing that he has a lion's heart even though he doesn't have the stuff to be the great fighter he aspires to be. This is a show about facing everything you're scared of, opening yourself to love, taking another step when you're exhausted, and jumping off that cliff. When we watch Xena, we feel like we can take on the everyday things we need to do. Heck, if Xena and Gabby can go marching into Rome to face Ceasar's injustice, then I can fly to a new country where people are super friendly and crime is minuscule. This is why the world needs heroes, and Xena and Gabrielle are ours.

And what people don't understand is the way that Xena fans are effected by these things. This weekend, for instance, almost everything that was sold went to different charities. While Britteny Powell was up on stage yesterday she started an auction for her bra (which she does every year and is hilarious) to benefit a group that helps families whose kids have cancer. When the bidding got up to 300 dollars and people started to realize that even though we wanted to help, no one person could afford to give more than that, a woman stood up and said "alright, we're making this a competition. Start passing the hats and which ever side of the room raises more money gets the bra!" Needless to say, there was a scramble towards the front of the room, people laughing and throwing money at the designated collectors, and within fifteen minutes we'd raised 2500 dollars. This kind of thing happened during all three days, and it's based in our belief that we need to do everything we can to help others. WWXD? We can't kick cancer's ass, but we can help find a solution!

Another thing about Xena fans: we're ridiculously loyal, and the actors know it. People who have been fans for years follow Lucy Lawless' (Xena) and Renee O'Connor's (Gabrielle) careers and see pretty much everything that they're in, since they're just plain awesome. Same goes for other supporting actors. They know that we support them no matter what, and so they bring us things from their recent projects because we're a good test audience. They know we'll love it just because they're in it, so they don't have to worry too much about performing, but they also know we'll give them honest feedback in a loving atmosphere. In this spirit, we got to hear original songs from Jacqueline Kim (Lao Ma) and got the first release version of her CD, which I can say really is amazing. She has a very calming presence. Renee also brought a bunch of her new work, including a short film called "Infinity" which is about a family affected by the father's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from combat in Iraq. All I can say is that it was intense, and very, very sad. When the lights came back up after, everyone was speechless, and we needed a couple of moments before we could get back to reality to talk with Renee about it. The first thing anyone asked was "What can we do for people with this disorder? How can we help?"

That's just what we do.

Anyway, this is getting long, so I won't give you a whole summery of the weekend, but here's a funny moment...

-An example of how awesome the Xena fans my age are (there were about 20 of 'em) -
Girl A: Dude, what's "Skins?"
Girl B: It's about kids having sex and stuff. And they're, like, fifteen.
Boy A: That doesn't sound like a very good example for young kids...

Damn right! We know the importance of wicked awesome role models! :-D

And here's a coupla pictures...
Me as the stage is being reset:

Lucy made a surprise appearance! Well, everyone but Renee was surprised! Here's my cheap-seats photo...
And here's a great one taken by the nice people in the front seats!

The Call

2011-01-20T14:08:00.000-08:00

In preparation for writing my faux-mission statement, I've been reading some of my favorite adventuring books... or at least the parts of them I like best :-). Here are a few excerpts to get the feel of things.

“But behind him were the shades of all manner of dogs, half-wolves and wild wolves, urgent and prompting, tasting the savor of the meat he ate, thirsting for the water he drank, scenting the wind with him, listening with him and telling him the sounds made by the wild life in the forest, dictating his moods, directing his actions, lying down to sleep with him when he lay down, and dreaming with him and beyond him and becoming themselves the stuff of his dreams… Deep in the forest a call was sounding, and as often as he heard this call, mysteriously thrilling and luring, he felt compelled to turn his back upon the fire and the beaten earth around it, and to plunge into the forest and on and on, he knew not where or why; nor did he wonder where or why, the call sounding imperiously, deep in the forest.”

-The Call Of The Wild

“No charge or pains were wanting in my education. My father designed me for the law; yet nothing would serve me but I must go to sea, both against the will of my father, the tears of my mother, and the entreaties of friends. One morning my father expostulated very warmly with me: What reason, says he, have you to leave your native country, where there must be a more certain prospect of content and happiness, to enter into a wandering condition of uneasiness and uncertainty? … He pronounced these words with such a moving and paternal eloquence, while floods of tears ran down his aged cheeks, that it seemed to stem the torrent of my resolutions. But this soon wore off, and a little after I informed my mother that I could not settle to any business, my resolutions were so strong to see the world; and begged she would gain my father’s consent only to go one voyage… I was then, I think, nineteen years old, when I met a school-fellow of mine, going along with his father, who was a master of a ship, to London; and acquainted him with my wandering desires; he assured me of a free passage and a plentiful share of what was necessary. Thus, without imploring a blessing, or taking farewell of my parents, I took a shipping on the first of September, 1651.”

-Robinson Crusoe

“Call me Ishmael. Some years ago—never mind how long precisely—having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially when my hypos get such an upper hand of me that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people’s hats off—then I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can.”

-Moby Dick

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion.”

-Walden

Abandoning The Nest

2011-01-14T22:01:00.000-08:00

"I left Tangier, my birthplace, the 13th of June, 1325, being at the time twenty two years of age, with the intention of making the Pilgrimage to the Holy House and the Tomb of the Prophet. I set out alone, finding no companions to cheer the way with friendly intercourse, and no party of travelers with whom to associate myself. Swayed by an overwhelming impulse within me, and a long-cherished desire to visit all these glorious sanctuaries, I resolved to leave all my friends both female and male, to abandon my home as birds abandon the nest."
-Ibn Battua

The first leg of my journey has finally begun!
I'm writing to you from the balcony of my dad's apartment in Scottsdale, Arizona. It's about 65 degrees right now, and I'm enjoying the ability to breathe the fresh air (such as it is) without freezing to death. I ran for the first time today in about a month and a half, and last night I stood on the golf course near Gabe's house, spread my arms wide and took in the whole glittering desert sky. Even though this dry country and I have our disagreements during the daytime, it's one of my favorite places at night.

So the ball is finally rolling, and this is how I'm hoping it will go:
1) Staying at my dad's place in Arizona until the 28th of this month (Madelyn and Julia are here with me until the 17th)
2) Leaving the 28th to fly to Los Angeles, where I'll be until the 31st
3) Leaving Los Angeles on the 31st to fly to Auckland, arriving February 2nd local time, but Feb 1st in the US.
4) Spending February 2nd through the 4th (at least) in Auckland...

And from there it's anyone's guess as to what my time frame will be. I hope to stay at a Buddhist monastery in Auckland for a week, but that's not solidified yet, and then in mid-February I'll be heading down between Hastings and Palmerston for a sheep shearing apprenticeship.

In the meantime, before I actually leave the country, I'm studying, writing, and working out to get myself prepared for the arduous task of throwing sheep around in the Kiwi hill country. One of the things I've been thinking a lot about is why I'm doing what I'm doing. I'd like to follow in the footsteps of greats like Thoreau, who wrote out in the beginning chapters of Walden exactly what he was setting out to do. I need my mission statement. My opening "call me Ishmael" chapter. So that's something to come back for, when I get it written up.

Peace to you all, and I'll update again soon.

EKG

2010-12-21T13:51:00.000-08:00

"Breath in, breathe out
Tell me all of your doubt
And everybody bleeds this way, just the same.
Breath in, breathe out
Move on and break down
If everyone goes away, I will stay.
We push and pull
And we fall down sometimes
But I'm not letting go, you hold the other line."
-Matt Kearney

This past week has just been painful, and for no real good reason on my part. My life is fine; I have two jobs, I live in a house which is less cold than the outdoors (though it seems pretty close sometimes), I have good friends, I have no deadly health problems, and I have a bright new adventure to begin on in a month.

BUT

I've been feeling sick to my stomach since Thanksgiving for no apparent reason, I feel up in the air and completely ungrounded mentally and emotionally, my self-esteem has tanked, and my best friend has been doing quite poorly and I'm too many states away to help and I feel like I've been channeling his pain.

Granted, most of these "buts" can be attributed to the fact that I haven't taken my anxiety medication in longer than I can remember (this wasn't a choice; I just forget to take it because my schedule fluctuates all the time), and it is, as my mom would say, my "own fault."

So anyway, I've been feeling pretty crappy lately, and it all hit me at once last night after a shift at Hogan's during which I slipped, cracked my head on the floor and spilled beer cheese soup all over myself and then had to walk home in a blizzard. It actually turned out to be a good thing that I walked because it gave me a chance to evaluate my situation and figure out how to deal with it.

At first I felt like there was this enormous pressure in my throat, radiating up through my head, and I couldn't tell if I wanted to burst into tears or scream. I just felt so screwed up and unable to do anything about it. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a fix-it person. If you just come to vent to me about how you feel, I want to quit talking and take action to make everything better. This feeling of impotence, a feeling of not being able to do ANYTHING to make myself better, was awful.

Anyway, after being trapped in this crushing vortex for a few blocks I began to breathe again and with the breath came the early tendrils of peace reaching through my brain. By the time I got home I had breathed all of the anger and frustration out of my body in big clouds of freezing steam, and everything else came rushing out in tears. It was very cathartic.

This morning I woke up tired, and with a large bump on the back of my head from that slip, but otherwise feeling like things were going to be ok. I made it through the longest night of the year, and it was painful, but I emerged on the light side feeling ready to make some changes.

My stomach still hurts, I still don't feel quite like myself, and I'm still worrying about Gabe,

BUT

I remembered to take my medicine today, I feel like I've regained the strength to begin to change bad habits, get back into yoga and meditation, count all the little things I'm thankful for, and find the moments of peace in my life that have been way too few and far between in the last month.

Things are looking up again, and I'm thankful for that. To begin, all you have to do is

"Smile, breathe and go slowly." – Thich Nhat Hanh

Worrying

2010-11-18T17:17:00.000-08:00

So, this is the second week in a row where I've gotten very few hours at the Reub, and that makes me worry. They scheduled me two days this week, and only one next week, and that's strange after I HAD been there four days a week at least. Granted, they've hired some new people lately, but I've heard of people being forced out by having their hours cut because the boss couldn't think of a good reason to fire them. GUYS WHAT IF THEY'RE TRYING TO GET ME TO QUIT?

I guess I shouldn't care that much because even if they DO cut my hours I'm not gonna quit because I need to take what I can get, and I DO have Hogan's. BUT, I hate the feeling of not doing a job right, and the idea that I'm screwing up and nobody is telling me puts me on edge. Well, I shouldn't say NOBODY'S telling me, 'cause Jerry (one of the bar tenders/waiters) tells me what I'm doing wrong all the time. And I have this inner feeling of not being cut out to be a waitress (oh, what a loss, right??).

I know I'm being insecure, but I'm worried.

Snow Triggers Contemplation Of The Past And Future

2010-11-13T17:15:00.001-08:00

I went to bed in the fall, and this morning I woke up in winter.

I don't remember a snowfall this early! It was totally surprising, possibly because I hadn't been paying attention to the weather. But I feel like we made a total change overnight, from colors and straw and pumpkins to white and hot cocoa and roaring fires. My mind hasn't quite had time to adjust yet. But I like it! I like snow!

For those of you that have talked to me in person, you know about my trip to L.A. earlier this week, and you know the outcome. But for those of you that don't....bummer! Apparently I'm not allowed to talk about it online.

But I WILL tell you about other cool parts of the trip! Such as the fact that I met Portia de Rossi and got her memoir (which I read all in one day) signed. And that I got to tour the Queen Mary, which is an amazing ship. And that my dad randomly showed up, so it was me and mom and dad for pretty much the whole trip, and it was weird to feel like an only child. BUT it did mean that I didn't have to pay for anything, which was nice. And actually, because of the way things worked out with the per diem I got, mom didn't have to pay much of anything either. Yay, free vacation!

Of the whole trip, I've got to say that meeting Portia was the highlight for me. She's just the sweetest, brightest person I've ever met. She lights up the room, and her sense of happiness just saturates you when you're around her. And her book was great. If you haven't read "Unbearable Lightness" yet, go out and get a copy. I've never read anything like it.

But now I'm back at the grind. Actually, this coming week won't be so bad because I don't think I have any double shifts. Maybe one, but it's doable. So work should be alright.

I'm also planning on buying my tickets to New Zealand in the coming week or two. The plan as of right now looks like this:
1) Fly to Phoenix on January 13th to visit dad and Gabe
2) Fly to L.A. on January 28th for the Xena convention (*cringe* I know, I know, I'm almost ashamed) and an Awareness seminar with Renee O'Connor
3) Fly from L.A. to Auckland on January 31st, arriving February 2nd.

So we'll see how this goes! Keep your fingers crossed!

Not Really Upside Down. More Like...Cockeyed.

2010-10-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

Dang it, I had such a nice plan worked out! Work here until January, then go see Gabe with Dad, then go to Heifer at the end of January until the end of May, then work through the summer, and head to New Zealand in October 2011.

Buuuuuuut, I just heard from Heifer that because of downsizing they can't afford to have any more volunteers before next May at the earliest. So that kind of changes things. On the upside, that frees me up to go to New Zealand earlier, but that means that instead of breaking the working for money up into two chunks, I'm going to do it in one chunk, and I'm already feeling a little burnt out.

I don't know what it is (maybe I'm just having an off day) but I feel like my life is out of balance. Based on next week, I'm going to be working from 10am to whenever the Reub lets me go (sometime between 8pm and 2am) four days a week, with a possible fifth day. On the one hand, I feel like a wimp for whining about this when the hours total somewhere around the usual 40-50 hour work week, but on the other hand, I don't want to sign my life away to being a waitress for the next six months or so.

I already don't have time for working out, and I'm feeling sick because of some meds I'm on, and I have no social life to speak of because none of my friends live in Northfield anymore...

And this is fast turning into a whine fest, so I'll stop! Life really is good, and I'm doing well over all, but I feel out of balance. That's the bottom line.

So how do I fix this?

Fitness, Food, And The Primal Blueprint

2010-10-15T22:21:00.000-07:00

It's My Half-Birthday! Keen!

2010-10-07T20:30:00.001-07:00

Well, let's see.

I've been to Phoenix and Las Vegas since I last updated, so you know there's got to be something to say.

Last Thursday I jetted off to see my good friend Gabriel in Phoenix, AZ, and he picked me up at the airport and dropped me off at a Starbucks and the Phoenix public library for a few hours while he was at school. We spent Thursday night catching up, sitting on the golf course near his house, and staring at the stars. Friday morning came with a wonderful flurry of getting-on-the-road-ness, and we wound our way through the desert, seeing Joshua trees and other deserty things on the way, not to mention some amazing mountains and the Hoover Dam, which was a pain in the neck to cross because of traffic. Through all this the music was on full volume and Gabe and I were having a great time singing along and making random stops when we found something cool.

Then Vegas. Friday night, Saturday and Sunday we stayed with Paige, Willie and Paige's roommate Gavin who are all spectacularly awesome. Fun was had by all, but you know what they say about what happens in Vegas.

I WILL say, though, that Vegas has AMAZING food. Wow, did we eat at a lot of great places. Yum!

So then on Sunday Gabe and I headed back late afternoon and drove through the desert at night, which is something I don't think I'll ever forget. I have rescinded all of the bad things I've said about the Southwest; at least it's beautiful at night. I kind of wish that drive would have gone on forever.

But we ended up back in Phoenix, and I spent Monday at the house stealing Gabe's music and watching Incubus in concert DVDs. Alright, I admit, I really like them. After the boy got back from school we headed out to meet his family (including his super cute niece who's two!) and then off to dinner with his uncle and out to see "Easy A," which may be one of my new favorite movies. Emma Stone is great.

Then on Tuesday I got up, got dropped off at Starbucks and then got my new tattoo about ten minutes before I got in the car to go to the airport. Ta da!

It's a heart chakra symbol called an "anahata." The outside is a lotus flower with twelve petals which represent twelve sacred sounds in meditation. The star is actually two triangles representing male and female and the middle ground in between. The symbol in the middle is to remind me to breathe, be aware, and live with an open heart. I really like it.

So anyway, I flew home and now I'm back with my nose to the grindstone, working at Hogan's and the Reub. The only news to report there so far is that one of the managers at the Reub (who really stressed me out and was a bit mean) got fired over the weekend, so that's sort of made the place feel a little different.

In other Northfield news (but sad!) I saw that one of the white squirrels near my house got hit by a car today. I'm not sure if he (or she) is ok, but the person that hit it got out of the car to tend to it, so hopefully it was just stunned.

ALSO, now that I think about it, the biggest news I have is that I've decided to take the job working with Heifer. It means I'll start on December 20th down in Little Rock, Arkansas and be down there until mid-May. I called my contact there to confirm today, but she was out of the office, so I'll try again tomorrow. Anyway, it's a big decision, but I feel like it's the right one, even though it means I'll be postponing my trip to New Zealand this way. It's an amazing chance, and I can't pass it up. Let's hope everything goes well on that front.

As for the next few days, I'm working, as usual. I plan to get a haircut tomorrow, though, which is exciting! I'm also considering dying it red again, which I haven't done since....jeeze...freshman year of college, I guess. We'll see. And a bunch of Lance's relations are coming to stay this weekend, which means the house will resemble a can of sardines for a while. AND because I'm working, I'm missing out on the traditional Norwegian dinner out at my great-uncle's church on Saturday, which is the suck, but maybe Maddie and Julia can smuggle me some krumkake and lefse.

OH, and I plan to be baking my ass off whenever I'm not working for the next few weeks, as
YES FOLKS, FALL IS HERE AGAIN, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

APPLE DISHES OF ALL SORTS AND HOMEMADE DOUGHNUTS!

I can feel my diet being ruined already.

Eulogy For Our Dog

2010-09-20T07:00:00.001-07:00

Cricket was our first family pet. Before her I remember having goldfish that lived in a bowl in the bathroom, and which we killed one after the other with frightening accuracy. But they didn't count.
From the moment we saw her, shivering and scared, huddled in the back of her kennel in the kitchen, we were in love. She'd flown all the way from Chicago for us, and when she finally did become comfortable in our home she was the object of much attention (as well as the subject of much arguement). Maddie and Julia and I all wanted to train her, to play with her, to teach her tricks, but the only two things she got really good at were shaking hands and barking when we said "speak!" No luck with sit, stay, come, or lie down commands ninety-nine percent of the time. She loved to run like crazy the minute we let her off the leash or out of arms length, to sleep curled up in the sun (or on any soft and kooshy surface), and to pace like some kind of sad tiger when she didn't know what else to do.
People always commented on how skinny she was, but to us she was perfect. Even though she had the sad eyes of a hound, we always knew when she was happy because of her perked ears and happy howl. I'll still howl for you when I come in the door, Crick.
But because our family split apart a few years after her arrival, she became more than just a dog to each one of us, I think. To my sisters and I, or at least to me, Crick became a protector and comforter, much like Nana in Peter Pan. She knew how to make us feel better when we were sad or sick by sitting next to us and letting us know we'd be ok. I cried into her short white fur on more than one occasion during the divorce and let her know in no uncertain terms that I was mad about the whole situation. She would lick my face and tell me that it didn't matter, and that she loved me anyway.
Even now, when we've all mostly healed from the turmoil, she was able to bring us together one last time to say goodbye. Dad and I drove together and carried her into the vet's. The five of us; Dad, Mom, me, Julia, and Maddie who was there in spirit, all cried together and as we stood there I was so grateful to our little Cricky dog for gluing us together even after we were broken.
Thank you, Crick, for being such a sweet presence in our life. Thank you for comforting us, keeping us company, getting us outside, bringing us together, taking care of us, and for shedding all over the furniture, peeing on the rugs, keeping us up at night with your howling, digging holes in the backyard, and for loving us to pieces, unconditionally.
We're going to be ok, but we will always miss you.

Work, Trip, 1/3rd Of The Way To New Zealand!

2010-09-15T21:54:00.000-07:00

So here I am in Northfield, wondering, as always, what I'm gonna do with my life.

Well here's what I'm doing right now!

I'm working at Hogan Brothers' pretty much every day over lunch, so come visit me there! And I'm working between 3 and 5 days a week at the Rueb over dinner and sometimes until close at 1am, so you can also find me there! If it's super busy at either place I'll just wave!

I'm also working out like a fiend in attempt to get all fit and capable of tying myself in knots and doing impressive amounts of push-ups. In order to achieve this I'm attending a kickboxing boot camp class twice a week (on top of my regular workout), which is currently causing me some deliciously agonizing muscle burn.

And in direct conflict with this I've been going up to the Olive Garden with Ken once a week (we're trading off paying) for endless salad and breadsticks! Delicious!

And MOST exciting of all, I've just bought tickets to go to Phoenix to visit Gabe Sept. 30th through Oct. 5th! I'm gonna chill with him for a few days, then we're gonna road trip over to Las Vegas to visit Paige! I'M SO EXCITED. Even though it's the desert, and I hate the desert, these people are worth it.

So my long term plan is still the same: I'm working to make enough money to go to New Zealand to study agriculture and work over there for a while. But for now, I'm just enjoying... now.

Also,

THE NEW ZEALAND FUND IS 1/3RD COMPLETE!

In my quest for six thousand dollars for the trip, I have now earned over 2,000!!! Yay!

Getting Up To Speed

2010-09-07T22:11:00.000-07:00

Video Entry About Work And Other Various And Sundry Topics

2010-08-13T20:32:00.000-07:00

Video Blog!

2010-08-11T13:26:00.000-07:00

Love that it ends with me sticking my tongue out.

A Quick Plug For Readership

2010-08-05T13:57:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all!

Just an FYI that I've started a new blog at http://writing-hathan.blogspot.com/ to complement this journal, and I'll be posting writing from a new project over there once a day. I've also put a link up on the right hand side of this page under "Other Blogs." I thought about putting it up here, but this is really my day to day journal sort of thing for people who want to keep up with what I'm doing, and it seemed right to have somewhere separate to post creative writing practice. So anyway, there it is, and I'd love to get feedback if you ever feel like reading in your spare time.

Thanks!

Another "End Of An Era" Moment

2010-08-03T21:57:00.000-07:00

Tonight was the last night hanging out with Gabe. I just don't know what I'm gonna do without him. He's the guy I can call in the middle of the night and know he'll want to hang out, the guy who will go outside and play with me when I'm feeling childish, and the guy who'll bike miles and miles with me without saying a word because we're both too wrapped up in our music. I haven't had a guy friend who I can pal around with, no pressure, and who I know this well, in a long time, and I'm gonna miss him a lot. I wish him the best of luck in his new life in Arizona, and I hope he'll come back soon!

That's making me feel some pre-loneliness, knowing that I won't have a buddy on-call at all times.

In other news, though, I'm in the midst of a legal battle over a motorcycle, and that's all I'll say about that right now. Other than the fact that I have some burns and bruises on my legs that hurt like the dickens. Major bummer.

And I still don't have a job. I was thinking about that in the shower today (where I do most of my brilliant thinking) and realizing that although I'm frustrated at not having a new job, I feel that I made the right choice in leaving Bluebird. I trust that what I need in life will present itself, and it will be up to me to act.
But there ARE prospects! I don't want to say anything else now (in case I jinx it!), but there ARE prospects!

I still don't know what I'm doing with my life, but I've got a crushing grip on hope.

Catch-22

2010-07-21T23:30:00.000-07:00

What does it mean to feel your mortality at age twenty-two?

By 22 Gandhi had three kids, Mozart had thirty symphonies and Buddy Holly was dead.

That quote from "Remember Me", a movie I saw a few weeks ago, has been haunting me. I can feel every day slipping by without my doing something. Something great, or memorable, or lasting. In theory my very existence changes the world around me, but I desire more than that, and I have to ask myself why. Biology tells me that my early twenties are physically the best years of my life. I'm lithe, strong, enduring, flexible, capable of so much, and yet I'm allowing this time to slip past and around me like a ghost, and I won't get any of this time back. Ever.

I look around me at all the things others have done by the time they were my age, and I feel insignificant. Do I want to "do something" with my life just to have something to point to so my poor ego can compete? Or is there a deeper reason?

All this is not to say that I'm not enjoying life in this moment. I've had so many moments of awareness and mindfulness lately; enjoying the feel of my muscles straining during a run, feeling the difference in temperature between sunlight and shade, watching two people great each other after a long separation, concentrating on my breath as the split second between past and future, philosophizing on the nature of love underneath the stars.

But these lighting bolts of thought on mortality keep striking when I'm unprepared, and they keep me awake at night. All of my planning, my making money, going to New Zealand, seeing friends, working for Heifer....everything seems....so far away...so insignificant...and so self-serving, considering that it seems like the only thing worth doing is making this life better for others and the ones who will come after.

Gandhi said that "almost everything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it."

Right now I need to believe that he's right.

A New Job? And New Music!

2010-07-20T13:31:00.000-07:00

So I'm doing a phone interview with Heifer International on Thursday! I applied for a job as a Ranch Livestock Volunteer, which basically means I help the livestock coordinator care for the tons of animals that Heifer will eventually be sending overseas. Check out this kickin' description of the things I'd do/learn:

1. Basic needs, behavior patterns, and how to work with animals.
2. Diagnose and treat sick animals. Determine intestinal parasite loads by fecal flotation. Basic health management of livestock.
3. Basic livestock production principles.
4. Pasture management (fertilization, liming, planting, rotational grazing, etc.)
5. Repair and build electric and non-electric fences. Operate a limited amount of farm equipment. Basic farm type repairs.
7. Teach visitors about the use of farm animals and their importance in developing countries.
8. New techniques in small-scale farm enterprises.

Anyway, they need someone starting in December, and working in this position for three to six months, and then I could extend the time in the job or find another job higher up in the organization, and it would just generally be kick-ass to get this much experience with animals on my resume, and to have it with HEIFER.......would be just too cool. Everyone loves Heifer. And while I'm there I get a room at the ranch, noon meals 7 days a week, and a stipend for the rest of my living expenses. In short, I won't be making much money at all, but I need the experience and it's a great resume builder.

So, I'll try not to count my chickens before they're hatched. I think I can get this job, but I don't want to get too excited.

In the meantime, I've decided that unless something long-term comes up (like this job, but it wouldn't start 'till December anyway), I'm going to get a job around the Northfield area just to make some serious cash if I can, and the minute I hit six thousand dollars in my savings account, I'M JETTING TO NEW ZEALAND. I'm getting progressively more excited about the possibility of going there. But I require money first.

So if anyone hears of any jobs anywhere in Northfield, FOR GODSSAKE LET ME KNOW!!!

But in the meantime, check out this awesome new collaboration! They're called My Terrible Friend, and it's made up of the lead singer from the band Pomplamoose and Lauren O'Connell, who may be one of my new favorite musicians, period. Listen and smile.

EDIT: Ok, I think I might just love Lauren. She's SO GREAT. Just WATCH this, will you???
Oh Death - Lauren O'Connoll

For Those Of You Just Joining Us...

2010-07-12T21:30:00.000-07:00

...I quit work up at Bluebird Gardens in Fergus Falls. It was the first time I've ever quit a job with no other alternative figured out and ready to take over. There were so many reasons why Bluebird wasn't the place for me, and if you read those back entries about the farm you'll see many of them interspersed with the high points. The last straw for me was finding out that we were using non-organic chemicals on the farm, which may not be a big deal for some people, but for me it is.

That's all I'm gonna say about that, because I'm sick of talking about it!

This last week has been a great time to unwind. I've been doing yoga, running and biking, stretching out all those knots in my back, catching up on my sleep, and generally chilling out, which has been REALLY nice.

But I miss my friends at Bluebird! I miss talking with Jenny in the fields (even though we got yelled at for it), thinking about the future and listening to Fleetwood Mac with Stu, talking in spanglish with Ramon and Alejandro, and so many other things!! Ramon's girlfriend Lilly had their baby back home in Peru early on Saturday morning, and they named him Rafael, which is so awesome! I'm sad I didn't get to party with them to celebrate! But I'm still keeping in contact with them, and they may come to visit soon!

As for what I'm up to next, who knows? I've interviewed at another farm, but I don't know if I'll get it, or if I should take it. I'm considering getting a job in Northfield for a while and working full time to make some serious money and then just going for the New Zealand plan. ALSO, Beth Ness is going to Scotland in September for a semester, and she's said I have a place to stay there if I want to come visit, so perhaps I should change the New Zealand plan to the Scotland plan? I'm unsure. I feel so free, but also a bit aimless just now, which is not one of my favorite feelings.

Anyway, I'll try to keep this blog a little more current now that I've recuperated. :-)

Oh My Gosh, There's A World Outside The Farm!!

2010-06-27T19:25:00.000-07:00

It was so nice to get away this weekend with my mama, and she still holds the title of best mom ever in my book, even though we like to give her crap.

I left work early (4pm) on Saturday and drove down to St. Cloud, jamming and singing along to music the whole way, which made me feel a lot better about things in general. Of course, I had to have the windows down the whole way because of the sour milk smell, but I didn't mind. It was just so great to be FREE!!!!

That's something I need to remember here. I've "loosed myself from limits and imaginary lines," and setting up invisible walls for myself and getting run down by work has stifled my mental freedom lately. It's great to know that the world is still out there, ready to be explored, and that even if I am here and I might not like some of it, I'm still free in my own mind. I think some former president said something along the same lines, but I don't remember which one. Maybe Lincoln.

ANYWAY, mom and I flopped at the hotel for a bit, and then went out for Chipotle and a nice talk, and then to Barnes and Nobel to look at books and get our internet on. I bought three books, despite not having much money, because I'm quickly running out of things to read here at the farm. So here are the new books!
-Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig
-Tales of a Female Nomad by Rita Golden Gelman
-Seven Years in Tibet by Heinrich Harrer

And then we went back to the hotel for bed, as I was exhausted.

This morning I got to sleep in until I woke up by myself at about 9:45, just in time to watch the England v. Germany match, only to see my wonderful Three Lions lose! It was pretty darn heartbreaking.

To get over this terrible defeat, I took a long hot shower (oh my gosh, water that stays hot instead of fluctuating to ice cold every few seconds! And that comes out of the shower head in a nice spray!) which was just fantastic, and then we went out to breakfast where I got whole wheat french toast.

Then back to Barnes and Nobel to look up some job possibilities and be tempted by a nap in a sun-drenched comfy chair. For a late lunch we went to Red Lobster and I got somewhat local Walleye from the Great Lakes. And those delicious cheddar biscuits!

And then I hugged mom goodbye and drove back to the farm on as many back-road scenic highways as I could find and marveled at the beauty of Minnesota lake country. It's so pretty up here. There's a lake among rolling hills and birch trees not more than 20 minutes from here that I may go spend some time at if I'm ever not too exhausted.

So overall it was a great weekend-day thanks to my mommy, great food, long sleep, gorgeous country, and good music. Thanks, world!

Still Exhausted, But Happier

2010-06-25T19:05:00.000-07:00

"Carry on my wayward son,
There'll be peace when you are done.
Lay your weary head to rest,
Don't you cry no more."

Seriously, is there a song with a better chorus and killer guitar licks? Kansas made my whole day better as I was driving home from the stand. I was tired and hot and still in a bit of a funk, but in four minutes the universe spoke, and I knew everything would be alright. Perfect.

After talking with family and friends, I've decided that as long as I act with honestly, courage and conviction I will be ok with any decisions I make regarding staying here or quitting. Right now I've finally gotten my second wind and things are looking up, so I'm going to keep on truckin' here at Bluebird, but I'm also going to keep a weather eye (and ear) out for other job opportunities that may pay more and require less than all of my willpower and strength being sapped from me.

Ok, that was an exaggeration. :-)

But I'm feeling pretty good right now, and I'm excited because I'm going to meet mom in St. Cloud tomorrow for a fun day and a half! It's going to be a welcome break from the farm, and a good time to get in a car by myself and sing loudly for a couple of hours.

But while I'm on the subject of my car, does anyone have any good suggestions for getting sour milk smell out of a trunk? At the beginning of the week I took a bunch of people in to the grocery store, and Sam forgot a gallon of milk in my trunk, which promptly exploded and rotted in the heat, and now my car smells terrible. Halp!

Disenchantment

2010-06-22T19:03:00.000-07:00

We're all talking about disenchantment today. We're tired, and dirty, and sore, and we feel like we spend half our time doing things that don't matter. Like spending 3 hours weeding the huge bean field, only to have Mark come up and say "oh, that's too far gone. I was just going to plow it under."

Ugh.

We're all feeling it. Yesterday and today were the worst, and I wasn't even working here. I was at the stand. Still, the hot sun beating down on you, the aching knees and backs, the innefficiency of so many things around here....

It's depressing.

Still, we power through. We spend the nights painting, reading, running, daydreaming, doing things to coax our good humors back long enough to make it through another day. It's hard. The novelty has worn off, and I'm waiting for my second wind.

I still love farming, but we're all a bit fed up with the inefficient, time-wasting and money-wasting ways of our boss and his wife.

I'm finding myself dreaming about New Zealand.

Sleepy Time

2010-06-17T19:46:00.000-07:00

I sit down at night and want to write all about my farm days, but I'm just too exhausted to make any coherent sense!

So here are the most important details as of late:

-I convinced Mark that the industrial Cornish Cross chickens we have right now are worthless and WAY more trouble than they're worth, and so we've ordered new, more sustainable, heritage chickens for our next batch in July! I feel very proud of this accomplishment.

-We rescued six industrially raised northern white pigs from a life in cages on concrete and brought them to a big fenced yard under a shade tree where they can rut in the dirt, eat fresh vegetables, run about and play, and they're so happy! Bill, Stu, Jenny and I just sat watching them frolic around for about an hour yesterday. They didn't even know what to do with dirt at first, 'cause they'd never been outside before! They're gonna make great use of our wilted veggies and chicken guts, and will eventually become bacon, but for now they're pretty darn cute.

-There are daily discomforts and victories, but overall I feel good about the work I'm doing here. It's hard and tiring, but I'm happy, and this weekend Dad and Maddie and Julia are coming to visit, and then all of us interns are going to have a Solstice party with a big bonfire on Sunday night, so I'm excited for that. Things are going well, and even though I miss home sometimes, I'm having increasingly more "this is where I'm supposed to be" type moments.

But now it's getting late, and I've gotta go to bed. I hope everyone's doing well! Comment and let me know what's up in your part of the world!

I Wanna Knit You A Sweater, Wanna Write You A Love Letter, Wanna Make You Feel Better, Wanna Make You Feel Free

2010-06-14T19:51:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh, Duluth is awesome! It's so full of trees and rocks and water and crashing waves and soft sand and big metal bridges and heavy log cabins and people who love music and good food. It's like visiting a whole different part of the country, and WHY on earth haven't I been there more often in my life?

Well anyway, above is a picture of Jenny (invisible in hood), Bill and Stu, as we walked downtown on the first afternoon. We worked at the farm until noon, then headed out and got to Bill's stepdad's house in Duluth about 5pm. Then a delicious dinner of chili (Bill's homemade recipe) and cornbread, then out to the sauna in the backyard (a tiny room made of cedar logs, heated by a big woodburning stove with stones on top) until we sweated out all of the week's work, and then we dove into Lake Superior to cool off. Run back to the sauna, have a drink of water, and repeat for about two hours. It was HEAVEN.

As Maddie and Julia if you want to know how the inflection sounds on that last sentence.

Then we went to a brewery and had a drink, and by that time it was midnight and I was exhausted, so I went back to the house and fell asleep under a down comforter on a very comfy carpeted floor. Slept for about ten hours (such a treat!) and woke up to the smell of french toast. Had a big breakfast of said toast and homemade maple syrup (have I mentioned how Bill and his family are into making everything from scratch?? So great.) and then went for a long walk on the beach by myself. It was the best morning I've had in a long time. Life was just perfect for those few hours, and I couldn't think of anywhere I'd rather be.

Then we visited Duluth's co-op and the Electric Fetus where I bought Blue by Joni Mitchell (yes, I know I could have gotten it from one of the many people I know who have it, but I really wanted my own hard copy. It's SUCH a good album.) and a vinyl version of Snow Patrol's album A Hundred Million Suns since Jenny was bringing her record player back from home. OH, and I saw a chocolate shop with a whole window full of covered apples!!

So we hung out on the beach for the rest of the day and then had a dinner of buffalo burgers and headed back to the farm, freshly laden with Bill's canoe, Jenny's record player, a twenty pound bag of wild rice, and a fresh sense of peace to carry into the new week. It was a superbly relaxing weekend.

But then of course the first thing I go and do this morning is get one of the Bluebird trucks stuck in the mud and have to have Mark pull it out with the tractor when he's already in a bad mood. It was a pretty terrible start to the day. But it got better! Today I harvested radishes, cleaned and bleached the packing shed to get it ready for the CSA veggies, washed lettuce, kale, spinach, cucumbers and onions, and spent the afternoon putting up fencing for the young chickens to keep them from running into the road (they'll run after any human that moves near them, even if they're in a car). I also helped turn an old horse trailer into a makeshift chicken coop, built some perches and fenced in a small area for the sick chickens to live in, since we have to move them out of the pig pen they're currently living in since the new pigs are coming on Wednesday! Poor sick chickens. At least they'll have a nice place to live while they're getting better!

Oh. And I ate rabbit today for the first time. I couldn't refuse, since Zach shot it and Ernest cooked it up with a Ghanan recipe and was so excited to have everyone try it. It would have made him really sad if I didn't have any. And you know, if I lived in the woods and needed meat I don't think I would mind having rabbit be part of my diet, but as it is I don't need the meat, and I just couldn't stop thinking about the cute little bunny it had been before it died. Rabbits are just special to me. I don't think I'll eat it again for a while, at least.

So tomorrow is another CSA day, so it'll be an early morning, and it looks like it'll probably rain for most of the day. Thankfully I finally broke and bought a pair of big rubber work boots at Fleet Farm today (adult boots cost 25 bucks, but the same boots in the kids section in size 8 only cost 15! Bet you can't guess which ones I bought...). So for now I shall finish up my cup of peppermint tea and maybe try to do some yoga before I go to bed (there's no big, clean floor space to do it here, so I've been slacking off lately).

I hope all is well with you, dear reader.

Some Thoughts

2010-06-11T19:55:00.000-07:00

I'd like to write a more structured post, but right now I'm just so tired I think I'll just bullet point some things I've been thinking lately.

- I'm beginning to understand why so many farmers became enamored of technology! There's so much work to do, and it's all a pain in the knees, back, feet, neck, arms and legs. I've become constantly physically exhausted and sore, and even though that sounds terrible it actually isn't that bad when you look back down the rows in the field and see what you've done. The work is worth it, but it's really HARD work, and I've been learning sympathy for farmers who've taken the easy way out with herbicides and pesticides, even though I wouldn't do those things myself.

-Our last crew member showed up tonight, her name is Samantha, and I took an immediate dislike to her that I can't figure out. It's strange how you can have a connection with someone, or have the instinct to steer clear of someone, even without talking to them much. For instance, I feel like Ramon and I share some kind of secret language even without talking. We always smile at the same things and seem to communicate more when we're not faced with a language barrier. On the other hand, Sam just exudes something that I don't really like, and I can't put my finger on it. I'm trying to get over it and just act normal, but she puts my shields up at full force for some reason, which is strange because she's very friendly and outgoing and generally cheerful. It's a mystery.
And if ANYONE can tell you about mystery, it's Hugh Laurie.

-I saw my first bluebird at Bluebird Gardens the other day! It was really pretty! I also saw another bird this morning that I remember seeing in the bird book when I was younger. I think it was called a "ruby-throated" something or other, but it isn't a humming bird. It had a seed eater beak and a splotch of bright red on it's throat.

-In other animal news, we're getting pigs next week! I know, mom, it's not cool. But they'll be cute little piglets for a while! Just like Wilbur! I'm going to be the female version of Lurvey the hired man! Now if only we could get a goose to come live next to them and say "probably-abably-abably!"

-The Bluebird Gang (me included) is heading to Duluth this weekend! Bill's family lives there, and Jenny's house is on the way, so we're gonna take a nice little road trip through northern Minnesota. It'll be fun, I think! We're leaving around noon tomorrow and coming back Sunday night.

-I have despaired of ever getting clean again. My hands are now permanently stained earth colors.

-I think I've come to realize (yes, it's only been a week, so this might change) that I'm an animal farmer. I just don't have the enthusiasm for vegetables and plants. I realized yesterday as we were piled on one of the fourwheelers coming back from the beets, that I was so excited about the long grass in the ditches that could be turned into hay, but not really at all interested in the beets. I would much rather work with the frustrating chickens than tie up tomato plants. For now, that's just the way it is. But I think this is a valuable insight! We'll see how I feel after we have to butcher the pigs and chickens.

-You know a plant that IS great, though?? Clover. Clover can be used as a cover crop, putting nitrogen back in the soil, or you can plow it under for green fertilizer, or you can cut it for hay or mulch, or you can let chickens into it to eat, or you can just leave it out there to grow and the honey bees will love you forever! We were working out in a field that has clover in it as a cover crop and the honey bees were thick as flies! It was great to see so many bees going about life despite Colony Collapse Disorder, and knowing that they're all going back to a hive out in the woods to make honey. I love bees. And clover.

Well, I'd better head off to bed. We're starting at 6am every day now, and that means a twelve hour work day. But not tomorrow, 'cause we're getting off at noon to head to Duluth! Yay!!

Uffda.

2010-06-08T20:40:00.000-07:00

Today was a tough-y, as grandpa Milt would say.

We got up at 5:30 and started work at 6 so we could get the truck with the CSA orders out before 9, which we successfully did despite having to harvest a bunch more mixed lettuce and romaine at the last minute. Compared to last Tuesday (the first day of the CSA, which was total chaos) today ran like clockwork, but it still meant lots of being wet all day, heaving through ankle-deep mud in the fields, and lifting and loading and dumping various heavy boxes of produce. I am exhausted. I actually fell asleep on the couch in the boy's house waiting for dinner (which was a Peruvian dish made by Ramon! Delicious!).

Last night was my night to cook and I made spinach lasagna with fresh spinach and from-scratch noodles thanks to my pasta machine! It was a big hit with everyone, and I'm proud that I got the recipe, which I got from Dita, right on my own, having never made it without her before. For my next meal I'm gonna try making Mom's stroganoff recipe if I can call her sometime this week to ask for it. Having communal meals is so much fun because you try things you might never have tried before, and we bring together diverse recipes from our different families. It's challenging me to look back into my memory and find the dishes that I always loved so I can make them for other people.

Bummer news of the day - something (probably a mosquito) bit me right above my eye below my eyebrow, and it's swelled up so that I feel like Quasimodo, even though it's hardly noticeable to other people. Ow.

Good news of the day - I bought bug spray that I actually like! It's called OFF Smooth and Dry, and it isn't oily, and it smells like flowers! I have no idea how it can smell so good and still work, but work it does, and I didn't get eaten as bad today.

Really, things are good right now, and there are only a few things that would make it perfect:
-Seeing my mommy (I miss you, mama!)
-Getting a bit more sleep
-Having time and space to do yoga

But I'm not dwelling on that stuff too much. Overall I love my job, I'm working with cool people, I'm eating well and working hard. And I'm reading a lot, as we interns generally shun TV and such things here. I've already finished two books in the last few days! Life is simple and good.

Pictures From The Farm

2010-06-06T13:39:00.001-07:00

Here's the farm house! Jenny and I live in the basement.

This is the old farm house on the property, which is pretty rundown but still livable. Aka: The boy's house.

This is Maddie, our farm dog, such as she is! She actually has a lot more personality than any other small dog I've ever met, and she looks like a little fox when she gets all wet.

This is part of the kitchen in the boy's house where we all make dinner. Bill and Alejandro and I were making guacamole!

Here are some of the northwestern fields! Mark's out doing something with one of the tractors... Oh! And that's our wind turbine! It pumps all the water for irrigation from the wells.

Here's the youngest flock of chickens. For some reason Mark chose to get the general "feed them 'till they can't stand up" breed, and they're the stupidest little things I've ever seen. But I kind of like them anyway :-). Can't get too attached, though, 'cause we have to butcher them eventually...

Some of the pretty lettuce mix we've been selling! I love looking at our fields and seeing all of the different colors!

That's all for now! More pictures to come eventually!

The Day I First Ate Radishes

2010-06-04T20:26:00.000-07:00

I realized today, mid-cream-cheese-lettuce-and-radish-sandwich, that I don't remember ever eating radishes before! They're great! We've got tons of them here just now, and I'm beginning to enjoy the delights and challenges of seasonal food. For instance, what the heck do you make when your main produce for the week is radishes, kolrabi or kale? You get inventive, that's what. I'll keep you posted on what we come up with.

So here's a quick update, as I probably won't be updating tomorrow because Sunday is our one day off per week, and that means Saturday night is the one night we get to stay up and party. Which means (I gather from the other interns) sitting around in the boy's house drinking, singing, painting, writing and playing cards and then spending Sunday down at the swimming hole. Such is the country life.

One of the things I love the most about being here is the communal atmosphere. We're all working together in small groups during the day (almost never with the same people two days in a row) and then when we get done working for the day between 6 and 7 we all gather at the boy's house to make one or two main meals which we all share. I've volunteered to use my wonderful pasta maker to make some sort of pasta on Monday night (possibly lasagna, as we have a lot of spinach). Then, after dinner we have about two hours or an hour and a half with nothing to do, so we cycle through the showers, do our laundry, go for runs or bike rides if we have the energy, read a book, or just sit in the living room and talk. Some days we're too tired for much of anything, and we all sit around with our respective drinks, staring into space until someone realizes that nothing's been said for about fifteen minutes and tries to start up a conversation which ultimately lapses back into quiet sitting after a while. But it's a comfortable feeling; sitting and just BEING with other humans. Thinking our own thoughts and dreaming our own dreams, but living together.

AND I love that we're bringing back the art of conversation and the desire to read. When there's not much to do, and only an hour or two for free time before bed, we all tend to revert to basic interaction for fun, and it's fulfilling in a way that watching TV with people or sitting on computers just isn't.

So, before I sign off for the night, here's a funny story and a quote.

Funny story - Today, while putting up tents for one of the Fergus Falls stands, I cut my finger on a bit of metal. Having no bandaids, and not wanting to make a fuss, the only thing I could think to do to stop the bleeding was to rub dirt in the cut. Surely not the most hygenic thing to do, but it stopped the bleeding and I soldiered on! My hands are all ready getting tougher. (And yes, mom, I did put Neosporin and a bandaid on it when I finally got home :-))

Quote for the day -
"But when you have your eye on some prize, possessions begin to weigh heavily, junk food slows the steps. Surrender, at that point, is a natural process; it's what we do to attain the vision we have come to long for."
- From "The Barn At The End Of The World: The Apprenticeship of a Quaker, Buddhist Shepherd" by Mary Rose O'Reilley

In Which Alison Spends The Day On A Tractor

2010-06-03T20:02:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone!

My first full day on the farm was spent mostly on the top of a red Farmall tractor, going back and forth over the northwestern fields. I tilled up five rows for pumpkins, tilled over the bok choi which had gone to seed, tilled up part of the field which had been messed up by a new irrigation line, tilled rows for radishes, and then got on another tractor which pulled something everyone calls a "reegi" (no idea what that stands for) that has someone sitting on top of it managing two prongs which till around the plants in a row.

So, in short, LOTS of tilling! But it was really fun, and I got really dirty!

After tilling, which took all morning and most of the afternoon, I headed to Fergus with Mark, Bill and Stu to put up the tent which our vegetable stand will be under. What a heck of a pain those tents are! All the pieces look the same, but only go ONE way in ONE spot. But we got it done, and the stand starts selling tomorrow.

Then, back home to the farm and dinner in the boy's house (the 7 boys live in a small, run-down house right next to the main house) where Bill and I made tortillas and venison with onions and peppers, and Ernest (who's from Ghana) made us a dish from home he called "rice balls and groundnut (aka peanut) soup." I was stuffed with deliciousness!

And now I suppose I'd better say something about the people I'm working here with. So far we have:
Jenny - My roommate, short, long hair, kind of awkward but knowledgeable and nice.
Stu - Rather punk-ish dude who's always smiling and being happy.
Bill - A bit quieter than Stu (they're cousins), more down to earth and knows about hunting and getting wild food.
Ernest - Tall, from Ghana, very cool accent, makes wicked rice balls.
Ramon - From Peru, pretty quiet so far but fun to speak Spanish with. For some reason Mark (boss-man) has trouble remembering Ramon's name, and tends to call him Raymond, to our great amusement.
Alejandro - From Ecuador, a bit louder and funny, loves to goof around with Ernest. And again, Mark has trouble with Alejandro's name and tends to call him Jackson. No one has any idea why.
Mike - VERY quiet and shy. I don't know much about him yet!
Zach - Lives in Fergus, so I haven't interacted with him as much, but he seems nice, despite his habit of spitting tobacco juice all over.

So there's everyone, for now. We're still expecting one more girl.

Things that I love about farming so far:
-Being outside ALL DAY!
-Getting dirty (and then getting clean at the end of the day)
-Feeling like I did something useful with my day
-Being tired, full and happy before bedtime
-Being around animals
-Seeing people being excited about organic produce
-Eating food that I helped grow (yeah, I know, it's only the second day, but this lettuce is great!)

Things about farming that I could live without:
-Getting sunburnt in strange places (my SHINS, for crying out loud!)
-Having a million mosquitoes in our basement
-Having chapped lips all day and not wanting to put on chapstick 'cause I'm filthy

Anyway, things are going great! I'm still learning and it feels like I'm going slower than everyone else, but I'll catch up. I suggested a new idea for getting the young chickens in at night and we're going to try it, so I'll let you know if it works out!

First Impressions

2010-06-02T17:53:00.000-07:00

Alright, I've made it to Bluebird Gardens in Fergus Falls, and here's what I know so far:

-THE FARM HAS WIRELESS. But I won't have a lot of time to be on it.
-I'll be getting paid at the end of every week.
-We're currently getting to work at 7 or 8 am (depending on if it's a CSA delivery day) but it'll get earlier through the summer.
-I am one of ten interns, and so far I am one of two girls, but we're waiting for another to arrive any day.
-I'm sharing a room with Jenny and the Other Girl (don't know her name yet) in the basement of the main house, but my bed has my quilt on it, so I'm comfy in my new space.
-This farm is BIG! This is their first year doing a CSA and they already have 400 members, so everything is MAJORLY hectic.
-Mark, my new boss-man, used to be a 3rd grade teacher, so he's very upbeat and wants to hear everyone's suggestions on how to do things. He got very excited about the fact that I brought my books on chickens, as we're having trouble herding the youngest broilers into the coops at night.
-I hadn't been here fifteen minutes before I was bustled out the door to plant pumpkins. Whew!
-So far there really isn't a whole lot of structure to anything. Everyone seems to know what they're doing mostly, but Jenny (who got here a week ago) says that you just pick things up as you go along and that she was clueless at first too.
-As of now I'm not feeling too anxious about things, but it hasn't gotten dark yet, so we'll see how it goes. I'll be happy to see the sunrise tomorrow. :-)

This is Alison, signing off from her first day of work in the Real World.

Waiting For The Morning

2010-06-01T22:20:00.000-07:00

I'm a bit nervous, but trying to keep my inner cool, as in the above picture. Tomorrow I leave for Fergus Falls, MN to start my new job at Bluebird Gardens. I'm planning on leaving in the morning so I can get that new-start-new-day-sunrise feeling when I take off.

It's an adventure! I'm going out into the world to make it on my own! I've talked to the 'rents and I plan on being financially independent (minus emergency car repairs and health insurance) by the end of June. It's kind of a big deal, this being on my own stuff. I feel well prepared, and excited, but nervous.

And I have NO idea what to expect when I reach Fergus. All I know is that I have a job working on a farm, and I will be paid until October. It's anyone's guess what kind of living situation I'll have or what I'll need, so I'm packing a pretty bare minimum. I have clothes, work gear, all necessary electronics, and the all-important books and music.

I'm starting a new phase of my life tomorrow, and it's going to be like nothing I've experienced before.

"Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!"
-Defying Gravity, Wicked (Glee Cover)

Journeys Through The States

2010-05-25T21:06:00.000-07:00

"On journeys through the States we start,
(Ay through the world, urged by these songs,
Sailing henceforth to every land, to every sea,)
We willing learners of all, teachers of all, and lovers of all."
-"On Journeys Through The States," by Walt Whitman

So now that I'm all graduated I've got time to go travel with my friends! Tomorrow Gabe, Lyss and I are heading over to Appleton to go see Dita and Mike for a few days, and I'm psyched!

Meanwhile, things that have been happening include:
-I had my graduation party, which was really fun
-I got some summer clothes, Chacos (SO GREAT), and the complete works of Walt Whitman.
-I got the tattoo I've been waiting to get for the last four years (pictures to come, I'm sure)
-My room is clean, thank you notes are out, and the car has been serviced.

So I've done everything I'm supposed to do for a while, and I plan on kicking back and hanging out with my best friends until Saturday. In the meantime, here's a picture of Mike helping cook breakfast during another Appleton road trip. :-)

Yes, This Is Still My Blog!

2010-05-18T23:26:00.000-07:00

Don't worry! Your browser hasn't misled you!

I've just changed the look and sound of things a bit, as this blog is a representation of my life which has begun a new chapter. And to christen it, here's some more Whitman:

“Afoot and light-hearted, I take to the open road,

Healthy, free, the world before me,

The long brown path before me, leading wherever I choose.”…

“I think heroic deeds were all conceiv’d in the open air, and all great poems also;

I think I could stop here myself, and do miracles;” …

“From this hour, freedom!

From this hour I ordain myself loos’d of limits and imaginary lines,

Going where I list, my own master, total and absolute,

Listening to others, and considering well what they say,

Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,

Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.

I inhale great draughts of space;

The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are mine.

I am larger, better than I thought;

I did not know I held so much goodness.

All seems beautiful to me;” …

“Now I see the secret of the making of the best persons,

It is to grow in the open air, and to eat and sleep with the earth.

Here a great personal deed has room;

A great deed seizes upon the hearts of the whole race of men,” …

“Now I reexamine philosophies and religions,

They may prove well in lecture-rooms, yet not prove at all under the spacious clouds, and along the landscape and flowing currents.

Here is realization;

Here is a man tallied—he realizes here what he has in him;

The past, the future, majesty, love—if they are vacant of you, you are vacant of them.” …

“Allons! we must not stop here!

However sweet these laid-up stores—however convenient this dwelling, we cannot remain here;

However shelter’d this port, and however calm these waters, we must not anchor here;

However welcome the hospitality that surrounds us, we are permitted to receive it but a little while.” …

-Walt Whitman, from "Song of the Open Road"

When I began this blog I named it "The Half-Way Point" because I began it in the summer before my junior year of college, and I was indeed half-way done. Now, I'm starting a new adventure; an adventure on the open road of life, and while it may sometimes be a real road, it may sometimes be a less tangible journey. I think this new name, and it's connection to Whitman's poem, says a lot about my hopes for the future.

Happy trails!

Ready

2010-05-16T21:33:00.000-07:00

"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines,
Going where I list, my own master total and absolute,
Listening to others, considering well what they say,
Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,
Gently, but with undeniable will divesting myself of the holds that would hold me."
-Walt Whitman, "Song of the Open Road"

It's over. The long college experience that I've been living for the past four years as I've sprinted and struggled to keep going; the late nights writing papers and wracking my brain; the panic I felt on Sunday nights when I'd have to go back to Chicago, or Michigan, or Morris, or even the cities; all the wondering about "is this what I'm supposed to be doing?"; the paperwork that needed to be filled out every time I switched schools; getting up at 7am to go sit half asleep in a lecture hall; living my life with the sole purpose of getting a piece of paper that will make my family proud and magically give me a better future.
It's all over.

Yes, there were good times and great opportunities. Without school I never would have gotten to study in Scotland or Mexico, I never would have met my cool friends, I never would have learned so much about myself in the way I did, and I won't ever take for granted the things my parents gave up to give me this opportunity, nor will I forget the people in the world who would give everything to have been able to do these things. But having said that I have to admit, as many of you already know, that these last four years have been an uphill climb for me, and I won't pretend I'm not relieved to have it over.

And the future has never looked so good! I keep having these moments of elation where I suddenly think "I can do ANYTHING!" I've traveled, I've learned, I've faced some of my demons, I've dealt with difficult situations, I can take care of myself and I can do good in the world. Of all the things I've learned in these last four years, I have to say most of them didn't come from academia, but from the experiences I've had while trying to make it through academia. And I've come out stronger on the other side, fire-hardened and ready to go.

I'm 22 years old, and I have just TONS of life ahead of me, and it's time to take the reins. I'm ready.

GUESS WHAT???

2010-05-10T12:09:00.000-07:00

I'M DONE WITH MY SENIOR THESIS.

And that's pretty cool.

I worked on it all weekend, and it's finally done and turned in. 27 pages, beautifully encased in a clear-front binder.

So, if anyone feels like reading this tome on corn in agriculture, let me know and I'll email you a copy. As for the rest of you who don't care to read about corn but are still excited that I'm done, THANKS!

Ugh, but it's not over yet. I've got a six pager due tomorrow, and two five pagers due on Friday. But then I'm ALL DONE WITH COLLEGE!

Graduation is happening next Sunday, the 16th, 3pm! I officially have, in my possession, four tickets. So you guys better start kissing up if you wanna come! No, not really. Three of them are reserved for Mom, Lance and Dad, and the last one will be going to Maddie or Julia, whoever cares to go.

And then.........*deeeeeeeeeeeeeep sigh* a few blessed weeks of de-stressing are in order, in which time I shall shut off my brain almost entirely (with the exception of the ability to breathe), and tire my body out completely every single day in hopes of balancing myself out a bit.

So. I've got just a bit left to do, but I'm doing alright! Yay, life!!!

Today Was A Bad Day For Writing

2010-05-03T21:48:00.001-07:00

Ugh. I don't know what was up with me and this day, but there was no love lost between us.

I've been having trouble sleeping recently, and I've done everything from taking hot showers to doing the relaxing aspects of my yoga and tai chi, to settling down with a good book, to meditation, and any number of other things. I just can't get to sleep. So last night I laid in bed from 1am until 4 unable to sleep, and getting more and more frustrated by it.

Basically, I'm pretty sure it's all the stress of these last two weeks of school building up, and I just can't wait for it to be over. Tonight I plan on trying a few more things to chill out.

But anyway, I woke up this morning and was peeved 'cause I was tired and I'd slept through class. I just felt terrible. I've been trying to get out of it all day, but I just couldn't do it. I felt off center all day, and I haven't been able to write anything decent. I'm still at 9 pages, and I have six days left to write at least 11 more pages. Uff da.

I've decided the best thing to do at this point is to go to bed and try for a better day tomorrow, since I couldn't seem to salvage this one. Wish me luck!

A Quick Update

2010-04-29T14:24:00.000-07:00

So!

I'm truckin' along on this paper which is finally started (I've got four and a half pages written and quotes ready for another three or four), and I contacted my adviser and asked about a due date, so D-day is now

MAY 10TH

Y'all ready?? Ready for some serious STRESS WRITING????

Actually, I'm feeling a lot calmer now that I've started. When I'm out in class or something and thinking about it I can feel myself get tense, but I'm learning to be aware of it and let it go. When I DO sit down to work, I feel like I don't have to worry as much because I'm DOING something about the problem, so this translates into me having my paper up on my desktop most of the time in case I think of anything to write. Not necessarily a bad thing, but it does mean that this paper has taken over my life. But only for another 10 DAYS OH MY GOSH ONLY TEN DAYS

Ok. Breathe.

In other news, I've been doing yoga at least once if not twice a day for the past week and a half to two weeks, and I'm getting mighty flexible! Yay! Also, Tai Chi is going well, and I've almost got two sessions memorized.

I woke up this morning thinking about how to describe myself right now, and I remembered something that Anne Shirley says when someone asks her how she's doing: "I am well in body, but considerably rumpled up in spirit, thank you." Remembering it made me laugh, and also made me feel better about feeling like I have to describe two things about myself right now; mind state and body state. So currently, I am well in spirit but rumpled up in body, as I seem to have caught the weird cold Mom had last weekend. Here's to lots of tea and hot showers!

So how are you doing today?

Exorcising Fear of Failure

2010-04-26T16:45:00.000-07:00

So, I'm working on a course of awareness training right now. I don't really want to say more about it than that right now, but I'm sure I'll be expanding on it in the weeks to come.

Right now I'm sitting in Espresso Royale trying to write my senior thesis, and I'm just as blocked as usual, except that because I've been sitting here trying to be aware of my thoughts and feelings and the reasons behind them I've suddenly realized WHAT is blocking me. Fear of failure. Fear that this thesis will be just terrible. And that fear is keeping me from getting started at all, which is entirely counterproductive. So, thanks to my new awareness training materials I now have a few resources to get past this, and I'm gonna try them out right here!

Step 1: Try to imagine the best possible result
The BEST thing that could happen is that I'll write this thesis, turn it in on time, feel totally proud of my work and confident that it is a good representation of me and my ideas, and have my professor give it an A.

Step 2: Try to imagine the worst possible result
The WORST thing that could happen is that I'll type up something that is too short, not up to snuff, I might not get it turned in on time, I'll feel that it's a terrible representation of my abilities, and my professor will give it an F, failing me for the course and keeping me from graduating on May 16th.

Step 3: Try to determine how the situation could be salvaged if you fail
If the worst possible situation does happen, I'll talk to my professor and either take an incomplete, go to work in Fergus Falls as planned while I re-write the paper and graduate at the end of summer, or get out of my job in Fergus to live at home and re-write it with the same result of end-of-summer graduation. Either way, life goes on and I graduate.

Step 4: Realize that in reality your situation will probably fall between the worst and best possibilities. Allow yourself the freedom to be imperfect.
Ok, I can do that. I can still aim high, but I need to be ok with writing something that isn't perfect. Working on that last bit.

Step 5: Breathe, and consider your problem a challenge that you are capable of overcoming
I am capable of writing a paper synthesizing information on what corn has done to rural America. I have the information, I have the ability to formulate sentences, I am passionate about changing the things that are detrimental so I have a drive to write. The only thing that is holding me back is the fear that I don't have ENOUGH of these things to be perfect. But I have SOME, and I just need to get those DOWN on paper!

"Do, or do not. There is no try," as Yoda would say. :-)

GO!

Essence

2010-04-21T22:11:00.000-07:00

I was reminded the other day about the story of the Scorpion and the Frog. For anyone who doesn't know it, it goes like this:
One day a scorpion meets a frog on the bank of a river. The scorpion asks, "frog, will you please carry me across the river?" The frog answers "How do I know you won't sting and kill me for my troubles?" and the scorpion says "because if I sting you we would both sink and I'd die as well." So the frog agrees and they set out. Suddenly, in mid stream, the scorpion stings the frog, and as they begin to sink the frog asks why the scorpion would do this. The scorpion replied "it is my nature."

So anyway, I've been thinking about this idea of "nature," and then compounded on that came Maddie's comment on my last post about not knowing what to do with myself, which said
"have FUN. be happy and love babies and chickens and old people. love your SISTER and wash the CAR! make pasta and cruise to tunes. hug julia. laugh your silly huge laugh. dance around with little arm movements. And be calm sometimes."

So I've been posing these questions to myself: What is my nature? What am I? What do I want? What do I value (as Maddie asked in her last post)?

Generally I don't like to broadcast my introspection because I feel selfish talking about myself and writing "me me me" all the time, but hey, this is my blog, right? I get to do these streams of consciousness every once in a while.

I've just been so caught up in my own head lately. And I've found myself drifting back to parts of myself from high school that I've almost forgotten. I think of that former self as so naive in so many ways; filled with this bright hope in the future and in love. Those were the two things I used to be so sure of; that tomorrow or next year would be better, full of adventure and possibility, and that the whole world was just full to bursting with this penetrating all-encompassing love.

Now I'm not so sure.

One of the things that's bringing me back is music. I think I've said before that music is my timeline. I can hear a song and remember exactly what was going on in my life when I first heard it, and those memories are called up and in many cases are just as fresh and real as they were then. So anyway, old music + living in my own head = introspective Alison.

What is my nature?
Right this moment I feel jaded, which is a sad thing to feel at 22. Sometimes I feel like my best days are behind me, which is 180 degrees away from how I felt at 18. And yet I feel closer to 18 year old Alison than I do to the adult I try to present to people lately.

I am still full of hope. I came out of the gym today feeling like I could take on the whole world. Gotta love those exercise induced endorphins!

I am still full of love. I woke up this morning feeling like I had so much love in me that I could explode into pieces. The more I experience in life the more I'm convinced that there are innumerable different kinds of love, and if I had to give shape to this love I feel full of it would look like fire. Most of the time it just glows inside me waiting for some breath of wind to stir it up and give it a reason to burn brightly, but sometimes, like this morning, it screams through me like a wildfire and I feel like you could set anything in front of me and I'd freakin' love it to death! I'm not sure how to explain it, except to say that I've recently started to understand that I'm one of those people with an "addictive personality," meaning that I'm very easily fixated on one thing and I pour all of myself into it at the risk of ignoring the rest of life, and without an outlet for this I feel....useless? Purposeless?

I am a hopeless romantic. Enough said.

I am a believer, despite attempting to be a skeptic.

I am an optimist, despite believing myself to be a pessimist for most of my life.

I am a night owl. I do all my brilliant thinking after midnight. I went to sleep at 5am this morning and slept until 3pm. Case closed.

I am a seeker. I kind of thought this section of my life ended in high school, but it's becoming increasingly clear that I'm always SEARCHING. The object changes, but I have an insatiable (so far) urge to see what's over the next hill.

I'm 99.9% sure I'm destined to be a mother someday. Can't tell you why exactly, but I really want to have kids. That ol' bio clock must be kicking in.

I am afraid. I wish there was some way I could take this part out of me. It's a cage that I can't seem to escape, and it holds me back.

I have a really strong desire to fly. Not in a plane or anything; I'm talking fly like Superman or Peter Pan or a bird. I have flying dreams all the time. Perhaps this will lead to a career in cliff diving? Not likely considering the last comment on fear, but you never know.

I feel like the only way to justify my existence is to do something that matters. I just don't know what that thing is yet.

I have a fascination with duality. I'm one of those people who tends to see the world in a yin and yang sort of dichotomy, and yet argues the continuum of gender, right and wrong, etc. Maybe it's just that seeing everything in black and white is easier. Maybe it's more correct to say that--

I believe in balance.

I have the spirit of a warrior, a poet and a mystic. How I ended up in this century is beyond me. :-)

I'm pretty sure my eyes tell people everything about me. That's one of the reasons I had bangs for so long; easier to hind behind!

I have more self control than I credit myself for. I need to remind myself of this a lot.

Anyway, I may add to this later, but for now I just needed to get some of this out. I'll let you know if I come up with any answers to all of these questions. :-)

I'm Having A Crisis

2010-04-18T20:56:00.000-07:00

What the heck do I really want??

The future seems so open but everything feels so impossible. I want to change the world. I want to leave this place better than I found it. I need to do something MEANINGFUL with my life! I can't handle the idea of sitting in a cubicle or dying before I've made this life worth while. I want to DO something!

And does farming constitute this thing I want? Will it fulfill this need? I have this drive to fix problems and help people and save the world, and it seems like such a waste to not use it for something powerful. But WHAT??

Ach. What am I supposed to be doing with my life?

Kicking Ass and Taking Names

2010-04-13T19:03:00.000-07:00

What I wouldn't give for the ability to wander around the countryside fighting baddies with martial arts, riding horses and camping out every night. How the heck did it take me until my 22nd year of life to discover Xena?!

This stupid show has managed to devour my life for the last week or so, since I discovered that the whole series is on Netflix instant play. It's got comedy, action, adventure, romance, deep theological discussion; everything you could want in a TV show from the late '90s.

I mean, I have enough problems becoming addicted to fiction as it is (remember the summer between Junior and Senior year of high school when I watched all seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer? And a few months ago when all I did was read the Kushiel's Legacy books?), and this series meets all my requirements for "mythical world I can spend a lot of time day dreaming about."
So that's my life at present. Wishing I was born in a time where I could run about in wool and leather and kick ass with my trusty sidekick. Am I too old for this kind of thing? Possibly. Could I run around in the woods pretending and fighting with sticks for a good part of my life? Heck yes.

In the meantime, I guess I have to graduate.

Today Was Awesome In An Ordinary Way

2010-04-08T19:22:00.001-07:00

I'm in good spirits!

So here's an update on my birthday, and today, my first full day of being 22.

Yesterday was a pretty quiet day overall; I hung out, did homework and walked Cricket. BUT THEN, at 7:30 I went to go pick Maddie up from school and we headed downtown to THE MELTING POT, which is the coolest restaurant ever, but is also very expensive, so I've only been there once. The deal is that you get four courses, three of which are fondue, so the courses went like this:
1) Veggies, bread and apples fondued in cheese (we had a pot of Wisconsin Trio and a pot of a variety of Swiss)
2) Salad course. I had DELICIOUS lettuce wraps. I've never had them before and they were great!
3) Main course: entrees of choice fondued in one of two cooking-oil-type-things (we had a Merleau based one and a veggie broth based one). My entree was the vegetarian plate which had stuffed pasta, asparagus, artichoke hearts and other things, and also a side of salmon, which was SO GOOD.
4) Desert, which was fruit, cheesecake, brownies and marshmallows dipped in a choice of three chocolate sauces (we had a dark chocolate with amaretto, a white/milk chocolate swirl, and a banana's Foster dip).

Oh my gosh, I left there stuffed full of the best food ever, and with Lance and Dad to thank for footing the hefty bill. Yay dads!!

AND, on top of that there were presents! Dad gave me the awesome pasta maker I really wanted (I'm on this new thing about making all (ok, maybe most) of my own food), Mom got me the box set of Long Way Round and Long Way Down, and Joel Salatin's book You Can Farm, and Julia got me an awesome Barnes and Noble gift card! They were all totally great!

So, I got back from this dinner full to bursting and worked on a take-home exam that was due today until 3, then went to bed and slept in until noon.

I woke up this morning all rested and lazy and feeling awesome. Up for a grapefruit and I got ready for class, then biked on over to campus, went to lecture and then had a sandwich and hung out at Espresso Royal for a while. Then a work out at the gym and over to the Bell Museum of Natural History for a look at the food exhibit and a viewing of "A Farm For The Future," which was totally inspiring.

I know that doesn't sound like a super awesome day, but I feel productive for doing a good job on the exam, eating well, biking, working out and discovering the coolest museum on campus!

That movie was seriously inspiring. I've been stuck in a major rut in my thesis, wondering how I'm supposed to solve all of agriculture's problems in one paper, not wanting to write something that just moans about all of the aforementioned problems without offering something of my own. But it all seems to make sense now! This movie started out talking about the problems with agriculture in Britain, mainly in that without fossil fuel large scale food production in the way we've been doing it is impossible. But instead of just stopping there like so many do, this movie went on to suggest several different ways of farming that provide as much as or more food than we're producing with our current system in totally new ways. I feel like I've got my faith in the future of agriculture restored!

So now I'm gonna try and get this paper started. We'll see what I can come up with!

Slow and Steady

2010-03-31T21:39:00.000-07:00

My paper is NOT going steadily. But at least I've got a good idea where to start now. I've gotten to the point of reading through my sources and taking out quotes, and I have a vague idea of how I'm going to organize it, so that's where we are.

Meanwhile, I'm seriously considering heading to Scotland after October, and the best way to stay there for a while is to go back to school. I'm looking at the Scottish Agricultural College in Edinburgh as they have one year masters courses in some pretty cool things, and if I get a degree from a UK school I get a 2 year work visa.
Just a thought.

UGH. So many distractions online. No wonder my paper's not going very fast.

In big news, MY BIRTHDAY'S NEXT WEDNESDAY! Ok, I know it's not really big news. I once read that you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday after age 10. But still! Birthday!

I'm formulating a plan for a party the weekend after next (as this weekend is all full of Easter), so I'll let y'all know when I get it figured out. As for family, if you're reading this, I'm supposed to get a head count for dinner at the Melting Pot on Wednesday night. Who's it?!?!

PROCRASTINATION POST

2010-03-24T18:09:00.000-07:00

I don't wanna even LOOK at my thesis stuff! I didn't feel like going out tonight, so I didn't.

But on the upside, it was a beautiful day! And I'm currently watching "The Invention of Lying" which is really quite funny. It makes me want to write a completely uncensored paragraph about my life and what I think about things, but if I've learned nothing else from after school specials, it's that sometimes you have to not tell the whole truth because you might hurt someone's feelings.

Know what I want, though? I want to learn how to farm this summer, then get on the first plane to Scotland, figure out how to get a job working at a farm in the country, then find somebody and get married, then get my own farm and have kids. ASAP.

And in order to procrastinate further, here's news:

I took Cricket to the vet last week during spring break because she was all itchy, and it turns out she has mites (they're not transferable to humans, they're just a kind all dogs have, and they usually aren't a problem unless the dog's immune system gets depressed and they try to take over). So now I'm giving her lots of medicine, but she's already looking better. Other than the itchyness, she's a happy puppy now that the weather's nice!

Also, last week was a great spring break. I got a little too inebriated the first weekend and got really sick, and now I don't think I'll ever have more than two or three drinks at one time, ever again. Lesson learned.
Next, I spent a bunch of the week hanging out with Lyss and going out to Stanton and building a cool chest-box thingy to keep all our gardening stuff in. We also made some good banana bread and let Cricket run around outside after the cats. It was a good week, overall, but I don't think I got enough rest.

So for this week, I'm trying to get back into the swing of school, which is NOT easy. But tomorrow is THURSDAY!!! That means there's only one more day until FRIDAY!!!

OH, and I bought a video to learn Tai Chi, which sounds kind of lame at first, but HERE'S WHY: I really want to learn, but every time I try to go to the U's Tai Chi club they change it to a time when I'm in class or somewhere else. So now I'm gonna learn it whenever I want! But I have to wait for it to come in the mail. Exciting!

Getting things in the mail is so AWESOME!!!

Alright, alright. I'm gonna go try to outline that paper.

My Doggy Twitches In Her Sleep And My Sister Sings Loudly

2010-03-08T21:10:00.000-08:00

Dude, things are progressing at a slow pace.

I have a dog now, as can be attested to by Maddie's blog and numerous pictures, and that's spicing up life a little bit, but I'm still W....A....I...T...I...N...G for more exciting things, like graduation and my new job!

ONLY 9 WEEKS AND 4 DAYS TO GO!!!!

And in that nine weeks I have to write my 20-30 page senior thesis on the destruction of farming and the American countryside by Big Corn, which I haven't started yet, although I have the sources. I'm just so OVERWHELMED by it! I made the mistake of saying in my prospectus that

"As a student of anthropology and agriculture I have learned that the number of acres planted to corn in the United States has grown exponentially over the last fifty years, and that while the average size of farming enterprises in the Corn Belt has grown, the number of farms has dropped, and that this has created many changes in the life of the modern American farmer. In this paper I seek to find the reasons behind these changes, determine whether these changes have been helpful or detrimental to the Corn Belt, and if they prove to be harmful I intend to put forth a solution for a better rural America in the years to come."

SOOOOOOO basically I have to come up with a pretty awesome answer to the problem of the disappearing small farm. Way to bite off more than you can chew, Hathan.

Meanwhile, though, I'm having fun volunteering at St. Martin's Table, which I like to describe as a hippy Christian bookstore cum local food restaurant in my free time on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. I work for between three and five hours serving tables and all the tips and part of the proceeds go to charity, and I get a delicious from-scratch free lunch to boot! WHAT A DEAL as my father and grandfather would say.

So, yes. Stress about my thesis, volunteering, dog, general boredom....what else?

OH!!

SPRING BREAK IS NEXT WEEK! I'd totally forgotten, but a blessed week of hanging out at home is nearly upon us! I think I might take a day or two to go check out Bluebird Gardens and meet my new boss, but we'll have to see.

So that's about all the news for now. Except that Maddie is recording a lot of music in our house lately, and it all sounds awesome. If you have a chance to hear her and Jordan Taylor together, DO IT. They've recorded a few originals, and I like what I've heard.

Later days!

I Have A Job!

2010-02-25T17:18:00.000-08:00

Guess what, everyone??

It's only February and I have a job lined up for June, after I graduate. How cool am I? Pretty darn cool, that's how.

I'm going to be working at Bluebird Gardens up in Fergus Falls:
http://www.bluebirdgardens.net/
Check out the staff page and you'll see me and the other interns!

It's so nice to know that I have my future figured out at least until October, so I don't have to start freaking out about my life yet.

I'm meeting with a pretty cool small group thingy on Wednesday nights during Lent at the ELCA church on campus, too, which is helpful. It's all about trying to figure out what you're supposed to do with your life, but instead of just being a bunch of college students, it's actually me, two other students, and four or five adults in their 50's and 60's. Talk about inter-generational perspectives. Awesome. And it's nice to know that there are people older than me who don't have it all figured out yet.

And I'm excited for this weekend! Lots of people to meet up with, and lots of stuff to do. Good times shall be had.

But for now I'm off to toss back a few with my amigos from Mexico.

Later days!

P.S. Just in case you need the date, I'll be graduating on May 16th, 2010. Woohoo!!

Lonely Road

2010-02-21T20:50:00.001-08:00

The more I think about it the more convinced I am that most of the problems with “kids today” are related to loneliness.

Without going into a long rant about society, I’ll just say that our separation from the people around us has gotten ridiculous. Considering the number of people on the planet, this seems absurd. We’re lonely in a crowded room.

Technology has changed this in a way, because we can now contact the people we know best at any distance, but take away a kid’s cell phone, laptop and ipod and they begin to feel the separation.

Not that people haven’t felt this before. I think the feeling of separation is something all teenagers go through. But I would argue that kids today feel it more keenly.

Texting, random internet surfing, pot, TV, alcohol, sex; all used to get outside ourselves and our loneliness, and to connect with others to some extent.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about this a lot because I’ve been feelin’ the loneliness in a concentrated way for the last few weeks. I’ve been immersing myself in books and TV and living in another world whenever possible. Somehow this life of get-up-go-to-class-work-out-come-home-eat-do-homework-sleep just doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. I’m SO ready to be done with school. I can’t stand asking myself “what the heck am I doing with my life?” every morning.

I’m ready for action. Let’s get on with it!

Comic #2

2010-02-10T00:33:00.001-08:00

I'd talk more about comics and what I'm learning, but it's 2:30am and I'm tired! Hurrah! More later.

Crown - Mason Jennings

2010-02-07T22:38:00.000-08:00

I took the train up from Illinois
I was following through on a letter you sent
I always feared that you'd be true
True to yourself to the bitter end.

It just kinda happened, or so she says.
She was drinking and lonely; you know the rest
And he meant nothing; he was happenstance.
She says she loves me still and wants a second chance.

But I don't wanna be together,
I don't wanna be apart,
I don't want none of this love for you, honey
Deep, deep down in my heart.

Where is my golden crown
That you took and passed around?
There's no telling what a man might do
With a life like this when it all falls through.

I don't wanna be together
I don't wanna be apart
I don't want none of this love for you, honey
Deep, deep down in my heart.

You were my dream come true.
Can't you see what you've put me through?
The love that tears me apart
Still beats deep, deep down in my heart.
Deep, deep, deep down in my heart.

Comic #1

2010-02-03T18:37:00.000-08:00

Well, here's the first comic! Waddaya think?

And here are a few things I've learned so far:
1) This is hard.
2) And time consuming.
3) But really fun and relaxing!
4) You should use good quality pencils and pens if you want it to look decent. Sadly, I have none of the above.
5) Always write the dialogue before the speech bubbles!!
6) Making a character look the same in every panel is nearly impossible.

Anyway, I'm off to the airport to surprise Lyss, who's coming back from Norway tonight! Yay!!!

Experimentation

2010-02-01T21:38:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone! Good news! I'm not sick anymore, and I'm in a much better mood overall! This is good for me, and also good for you as you won't have to listen to me be pathetic for a while.

I'm trying something new in the next few days. Inspired by some really cool people including Jeph Jacques, Erica Moen and Athena Currier, I have decided to have some fun with drawing and try to comic-ify my next few entries. Know this in advance: I have little to no real artistic talent, so this may be somewhat of a mess, but it'll be fun! So, without further ado, here's my first attempt and 2d-ing myself.

So for the next few days I'm gonna try my hand at being witty and putting it down in graphic form, and we'll see how it goes. I'm ALSO going to finally set up the printer dad gave Maddie and I for Christmas, so I'll be able to scan what I draw instead of taking pictures.

Wish me luck!

Revenge

2010-01-26T09:51:00.000-08:00

My cold from Mexico has come back with a vengeance. Either this is the SAME cold, or Maddie gave me hers. Either way, I am sick, and unhappy. :-(

And on top of that, our hot water heater is busted or SOMETHING, so no hot showers for me.

Whine, whine, complain.

Here I sit, surrounded by dirty dishes and homework that I haven't done, spending all my energy trying desperately to breathe through my nose. This is a sad state of affairs.

It's the second week of classes, and I'm already missing things. This cold, combined with my new-found senioritis, is becoming a problem.

And I've had so many interesting revelations and cosmic thoughts latley that I was planning on blogging about, but they've been pushed rudely out of my head to make way for snot and a headache.

I hope I get over this soon. Sorry for all the moping. :-S

An End And A Beginning

2010-01-22T12:16:00.000-08:00

Alright everyone, I'm falling seriously behind. I could theoretically try to backlog and write more about Mexico, but I think I'll just do a quick overview and then give you a look into Spring semester!

So, Mexico was friggin' awesome. After we came back from Acapulco, where we went dancing, swimming in the ocean at 2:30 in the morning and spent hours on the beach, we had one week left. The last week in Cuernavaca was a great mix of intense studying and partying with friends. Finally, it was Friday and we woke up and took our big exam. I felt alright about it, but I won't know how I did for several weeks! I'm betting I got a B in the class, which is pretty darn good for a three week class that covered 12 weeks of information, but we'll just have to wait and see.

The last night was wild. We got out of class at 2, went back to the house to pack and get organized, had our last dinner with our wonderful host family, and then went over to the Frat House (our nickname for the house of the family who was hosting 8 guys, one of them being Kyle). We stayed there for a while, letting everyone gather and get ready to go, and then headed out to Juarez, the dance club in the Zocalo. Many hours later we emerged, starving, and about half of us made our way to a late night pizza place for a little midnight snack. By this time, though, it was 2:30am, and my bus for the Mexico City airport was scheduled to leave at 4:45. After pizza Greta, Jackie, Jannessa and I went back to the house and I sat up for half an hour until my taxi left. Then, to the bus station, then to the airport, then to Dallas, a five hour layover, then to Minneapolis, and then home!

I can't say I miss having to be paranoid about water and food, or the lack of toilet paper in public bathrooms, but I do miss my cute host-mom and her delicious cooking, and the fun of living with Greta and Jackie, and the really nice Mexican people I've met. But now I'm back home, and that feels pretty darn good too.

So here's the down-low on this semester. I'm only taking four classes, and I only have to go to three of them 'cause the fourth is my senior paper! What a relaxing time. And this means I have time to work out every day, and maybe time to get a job. So here's my schedule:
-Religion and Culture - MWF 3:35-4:25
-Philosophic Anthropology - MWF 11:15-12:05
-Sex, Evolution and Behavior - TTh 2:30-3:45
-Lab - T 10:10-11:00
And I'm working out between 4 and 6 every day. Yay, getting in shape!

AND I have a interview on Monday for a server's assistant job! We'll see if I get it!

Mexico: Parte Tres

2010-01-12T18:23:00.000-08:00

Well, there's no way I'm going to be able to update day by day, or even week by week, so here's an update of life organized by topic. :-)

Health:
I'm sick. Have been since New Year's. I woke up New Year's morning with a terrible stomach ache that's come and gone for the past two weeks. At first I thought it was because I'd had too much to drink New Year's Eve. Then I thought it was because I'd accidentally drank some unpurified water. Then I thought it was because I'd eaten something weird. Long story short, last weekend was the final straw and I went to see the school doctor yesterday and asked for some long overdue help. He prescribed antibiotics and pain meds for my tummy, and now I'm feeling a lot better as long as I remember to pop my pills on time. Those of you who know how I hate taking medicine will understand the severity of this two week long stomach pain that caused me to go get help. Yuck.
So now my stomach is much better, but because of this ten-year-record-breaking cold snap that appears to be worldwide (or at least in the Western Hemisphere), I now have a cold. Greta got it first, then Kyle, then Jackie, and now Jackie is getting over it and I've got it. Blech. It all comes of having classes outdoors in 45 degree weather. Comparatively, I've got it better than those back home in Minnesota, but they've got heat! There's no heating in Mexico! We shiver our way through classes for hours starting at 8:30! It's rather miserable. This morning I wore five layers and every long sleeve thing I brought with me.
Anyway, enough complaining! I'm in Mexico and it's cool!

Travel:
The two major excursions we've made in the last two weeks are to Teotihuacan and to Acapulco. Teotihuacan was amazing, and if you want to know more about the history you'll have to ask me when I get home. We took a sweet tour of the place (it's the oldest city in the New World, built before the Mayans by a people simply called the Teotihuacans who we don't know much about), and then climbed part way up the Pyramid of the Moon, and then all the way up the Pyramid of the Sun. Here are a few pictures!

That was the weekend of the 2nd and 3rd. Last weekend, the 9th and 10th, pretty much everyone in the Minnesota group went to Acapulco. We bought bus tickets and headed out Friday right after classes, reaching Acapulco around 8pm in the middle of a record-breaking rainstorm which flooded all the streets. Jackie, Greta, Kyle and I had decided to wing it and not make any hotel reservations because we weren't sure where we wanted to stay, but when we saw the way it was coming down we decided to follow part of the Minnesota group who was going to a hotel called the Calinda Beach. We took a cab through the streets, floating more than driving, and arrived at the hotel soaking wet. At first the guy at the desk attempted to swindle us out of a bit more money than we were prepared to pay, but after walking away to talk about it in private three times they brought the price down and we ended up getting better rate than the people that had pre-booked! We payed 24 American dollars per person for two nights! A heck of a deal. Here's the view from our deck.

But now I've gotta run! Greta and I are off to do some studying, but I'll be posting more about Acapulco soon!

Mexico: Parte Dos

2010-01-10T20:05:00.000-08:00

Hola, amigos y familia!

I thought about writing this whole post in Spanish, but as that would be lame for most of you, I won't. I'm sorry I haven't been posting more often, but life is just so busy and interesting here I don't get on my computer much. However, I will now try to update you on life for the last two weeks!

Mainly, I've been in school or doing schoolwork or out partying (nothing too crazy, don't worry) with my Mexican amigos, but we've had some pretty cool cultural experiences in the last two weeks, so I'm just going to give you the highlights.

But first, I better give you the cast of characters. Primero, there's Greta (who we all call "Greta Dawwwn" with a southern accent, as her middle name is Dawn, and it sounds like she should be a country singer), who's a pretty awesome, chill, hippy chick with a lot of cool out-door knowledge and experience. This is Greta on top of the Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuacan (pronounced "Tay-o-tee-wa-con")!

Next there's Kyle, who's a fun dude who has a critical mind and likes good books along the lines of Hunter S. Thompson. Generally, he's an English major all around, and we all love him, but Greta most of all (I've had SUCH a hard time not teasing her about him!). Here's Kyle and Greta chilling at the beach in Acapulco, were we went just this last weekend.

And then there's Jackie, who is the life of the party pretty much all the time; who's done and seen so many more things than me that I'm occasionally blown away by my general lack of knowledge about some things in life. She's part Palestinian, and she has a lot of opinions about social change that I've never heard before. This is her sitting with Joe, another dude from the trip, when we went out in the first week.

So the four of us hang out in our little group and study and have a good time, and more often than not we join up with parts of the rest of the group (there are around 30 of us from the U), usually Kyle's roomates (he lives with seven other guys. I do not envy their host-mom's kitchen and cleaning jobs). Here are the four of us together on top of the Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuacan!

And now that I've finally got the scene set up, I have to go to bed. I'm mighty tired from our trip to Acapulco, but I'll get online again soon and post more pictures from our adventures.

Later days!*

*This is for Julia, who I didn't get to talk to on her birthday. Happy B-day, pipsqueak! I'll bring you a cool present from Mexico!